Where's the humor on here?

Why Men Are Always Happy!

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

 

The difference between Honesty and Brutal Honesty:

Your wife asks, Honey do these jeans make my butt look big?

Honest answer: No honey.

Brutally Honest answer: No honey, your butt makes your butt look big.


Be sure to duck if you decide to give the Brutally Hones answer!

 

Automated bartender

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender..

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man,

"What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "168."

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics,

space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious....

So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says,

"What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting,

so he thinks he will try it one more time.

He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.

The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says,

"So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"

 

One wish

A man was riding his Harley beside a Sydney beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice,
The Lord said.
'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to New Zealand so I can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said; 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking, the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought hard about it for a long time. Finally, he said,
'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy'.

The Lord replied;
'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Jim

 

Not to take anything away from this joke, I think it's hilarious but Psalm 129 does not say that. The closest is Luke 14:10 that says;

"But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest place; that when he that hath bidden thee cometh, he may say to thee." Friend, go up higher: then shalt thou have glory in the presence of all that sit at meat with thee.

 

You Gotta love this Doctor:

A man goes to the doctor in desire of a prescription for Viagra.

Doctor looks the man over and says, "Viagra can be very dangerous, and we do not just dispense it indiscriminately. Please bring your wife to my office next week and we'll discuss this in more detail."

So the next week the man shows up with his wife. The doctor asks to see the wife by herself for a few moments, and she follows him back to the examining room.

The doctor asks her to disrobe and she does. He then asks her to turn around a few times, instructs her to get up on the examining table and to turn in various positions. He then tells her she can get dressed and goes out to meet his patient.

"Sir," the doctor says, "There is nothing wrong with you. I couldn't get an erection either."

 

things you notice when you're 60 years old and over!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm older than 60.
Thanks, you used the big size characters so I was able to read it.
But the picture was far tooooooooooo small so I could not see if the person had yes or no a seat belt attached.
Btw ..... was it a she or a he ??:D

 

You know Jelly, now you got me wondering too!:(