Where's the humor on here?

Check out this link, for more akward family photos...

Awkward Hall of Fame AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

 

pants on the ground !

YouTube - Pants On The Ground - Larry Platt - American Idol [LYRICS]

 

The best of filipino !

A Filipino Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart..

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified --an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino..

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine who of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know?'
Dave, the American, replied, 'A THOUGHT' It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.'

'That's very good!'
replied the interviewer.

'And now you sir?' he asked Vladimir , the Russian.

'Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened.A BLINK is the fastest thing I know.'

'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular clich? for speed.'

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. 'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep,TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had f ound his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light' he said.

Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the
interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, 'Apter herring da 3 preybyus ansers sir, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thing is Diarrhea.''What?!'said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats...

'Oh, I can expleyn sir,.' said Eleuterio. ' You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the CR, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, 'putang ina, sir,
I had alreydi sh*t in my pants!'
Eleuterio is now the new 'Greeter' at Wal-Mart.!

A Filipino Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart..

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified --an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino..

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine who of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know?'
Dave, the American, replied, 'A THOUGHT' It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.'

'That's very good!'
replied the interviewer.

'And now you sir?' he asked Vladimir , the Russian.

'Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened.A BLINK is the fastest thing I know.'

'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular clich? for speed.'

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. 'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep,TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had f ound his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light' he said.

Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the
interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, 'Apter herring da 3 preybyus ansers sir, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thing is Diarrhea.''What?!'said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats...

'Oh, I can expleyn sir,.' said Eleuterio. ' You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the CR, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, 'putang ina, sir,
I had alreydi sh*t in my pants!'
Eleuterio is now the new 'Greeter' at Wal-Mart.!

 

As the marriage gets older

Married couple of 10 years go off on their second honeymoon. Hubby books into the same hotel and room where they had there first honeymoon.

After being booked into their room the wife grabs something out of the case and said to hubby she had a surprise and ducks into the bathroom.

She comes out about 10 minutes later and standing at the door in this slinky negligee, she asks hubby if he recognizes what she has on, he says "No" She tells him that's what she wore on the first night they were married.

She asks hubby what he thinks. He said "You look great" She then asks what did he think of her back on that first night. He said "I thought you were terrific"
"No" she says "I want to know what you really thought of me back then. You can talk dirty to me, I won't mind. I want to know what you thought of me the first time you saw me in this negligee. Hubby responds "The first time I saw you in that negligee all I wanted to do was f.ck your brains out and suck your t*ts dry. Wifey goes "OO OO, really" all excited. "And what do you think now"

Hubby looks at her for a second and says "Gee I've done a good job"

 

Well Jim, that was a really good one
People around me asked me why I was suddenly laughing so loud.
Well, I found it wiser not to repeat the joke to them :D
It looked for a moment that Progmeister came alive again. I missed his jokes.

 

A clever advice.....

 

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "YOU CAN BE THE MAN
OF YOUR HOUSE". He stormed in to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From
now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You
will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal,
you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.


After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.


Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You
will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.


Then, you will massage my feet and hands.


Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"


The wife replied, "The f**k*n' funeral director would be my first guess."

 

Subject: When to get married (written by kids)



You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with...
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough...
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure?)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10 (isn't he ready for the world of dating?)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them... It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8 (I like this kid)

And the #1 Favorite is .....

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10 (He'll be married forever)

 

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up.
The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?'
'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

 

Not So Dumb Blonde

A blonde lady and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer
persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

:D