Where's the humor on here?

... more chat shortcuts and their meaning

(o)(o) Perfect breasts

( + )( + ) Fake silicone breasts

(*)(*) High nipple breasts

(@)(@) Big nipple breasts

oo A cups

{ O }{ O } D cups

(oYo) Wonder bra breasts

( ^)( ^) Cold breasts

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(Q)(Q) Pierced breasts

(p)(p) Breasts w/hanging tassels

(:o)(o) Bitten by a vampire breasts

\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts

( - )( - ) Flat against the shower door breasts

|o||o| Android breasts

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(%)(o) Extra nipple breasts

($)($) Jenny McCarthy's breasts

(^o)(o) Zit on your breast

( o Y o ) Poses for Playboy magazine breasts

 

I take it you are a BOOB! man then Rhoody?:D

Jack P.

 

well, my family name is "breast" (translated to english), so no way around that

 

Wie geht es Ihnen Rhoody Brust lol sorry had to translate, now we know why big brust.

 

didn't know where to post that, but somehow fits here:

In response to the tragic events that unfolded in Manila this past week, PNP has invested and opened a state-of-the-art, high tech training facility in an undisclosed location just outside Manila. A spokesman for the PNP stated (hanaka ng botu lasing kawawa ito sino diba bulaklak bola) "With these new tools at our disposal I dare anyone to try that bola again!" Needless to say I think we can all breathe a little easier knowing that the powers that be are addressing this serious situation!

 

In the early days of the world, God spoke to Adam and said, "I have some good news and some bad news." Adam asked for the good news first. So God said, "I have made two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have conversations with Eve. The other organ I have made for you is called a penis. It will allow you to re-produce and give pleasure to you and Eve."
Adam was very excited and said " that is truly good news. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
God looked at Adam with sorrow and said, "when I created the brain and the penis, I didn't give you enough blood to be able to use them both at the same time".

 

Good one,

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom.
A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.
What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush,
something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts."

The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot!
You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

 

A salesman stopped a man in the street and asked "Sir. Would you like to buy a toothbrush for 5000 peso ?"
Surprised, the man said "of course not. Thats almost robbery".
The salesman seemed upset. "Ok sir, would you like to buy a piece of home-made chocolate cake for 5 peso ?"
This seemed fair, so the guy paid his 5 peso and took a bite of the chocolate cake.
"Yuk" he screamed "this cake tastes like sh*t"
"It is" said the salesman, "now do you want to buy a toothbrush"?

 

MMM This I like!

Broadside! I Have added this to my Column I write in a GIBRALTAR Ex-Pat magazine. One of the best Clean/Naughty I have heard in years, Keep them Coming! :D

Jack P.

 

Has some relevance in a Broad way. Ha Ha

:DDear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of p*ss!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Sheila


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