Where's the humor on here?

All time funniest Cane Toad Video ..

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Disrespect (intended) for Osama

Q&A's about Salami Bin Coward & the Talibuttheads:

Q: Why does Salami Bin Coward carry a Turd in his pocket?
A: It's his photo ID.

Q: What do Salami Bin Coward and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing - "yet".

Q: How do you play Talibutthead bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

Q: What is the Talibuttheads national bird?
A: Duck.

Q: How is Salami Bin Coward like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: What does Salami Bin Coward and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What's the difference between the Talibuttheads and a bucket of crap?
A: The bucket.

Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?
A: Two days.

Q: Why don't Salami Bin Coward's people eat turd sandwiches?
A: They hate bread.

Q: Why don't the Talibuttheads have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?
A: The camels can't handle it.

 

GUESS MY AGE
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.

Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.

The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".

"I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.

Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

 

Woman is like Planet Earth

In her 20's she is like Africa - untapped and unexplored.
In her 30's she is like India - hot, sensuous and mysterious.
In her 40's she is like America - technically perfect and sure of herself.
In her 50's she is like China - wise and cultured.
In her 60's she is like Europe - past her best and exploited.
In her 70's she is like Siberia - everyone knows where it is but no-one wants to go there !!!

 

Very Depressing: The Golden Years

THE GOLDEN YEARS HAVE COME AT LAST,

I CANNOT SEE, I CANNOT PEE

I CANNOT CHEW, I CANNOT SCREW

MY MEMORY SHRINKS, MY HEARING STINKS,

NO SENSE OF SMELL, I LOOK LIKE HELL,

MY BODY'S DROOPING, GOT TROBLE POOPING.

THE GOLDEN YEARS HAVE COME AT LAST,

THE GOLDEN YEARS CAN KISS MY @ss

 

Being married to a Western woman is like living with a typhoon. There's a lot of wind and noise when they come, and your house has disappeared when they've gone.

 

Too truer a word, I can vouch for that. After a eight stormy marriage. two sons and a house snatched away from me.

Jim, still bitter.

 

Be careful what you ask for:

This guy goes to a bullfight in Mexico. afterwards he goes to a
cantina across the street. he gets there just as they're opening,
and this guy rushes up and yells at the owner, hey! gimme the
daily special! the owner says, its yours! the man asks the
owner what the daily special is. the owner tells him, senor, the
daily special is rocky mountain oysters. so the next day the man
decides to skip the bullfight and go right to the cantina. he gets
there just as it opens and yells, gimme the daily special! its
yours, senor. the man eats the whole meal and it is delicious.
he calls the owner over and compliments him but asks why the oysters were smaller than yesterdays. Senor, he answered, sometimes the bull wins!

 

LOVING HUSBAND
A man had two of the best tickets for the FA Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No", he says, "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the FA Cup Final, the biggest sporting event of the year, and not use it?"
He says, ‎"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."
"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head... ....
"No. They're all at the funeral."

 

A politician is being shown around a mental hospital. He asks the doctor what test they do when they first check a patient. The doctor tells him that they fill a bath with water, then give the patient a spoon, a cup and a bucket, and then suggest that the bath has to be emptied. "Oh I see" said the politician. "Anyone sane would use the bucket".
"Not exactly" replied the doctor, "anyone sane would just pull the plug. Would you like the bed by the window"?