Where's the humor on here?

This little

piggy went WE WE We all the way home.

 

Land of the free--

Hi again, I just love America- the freeways the skyscrapers everything. But in California the laws are strict--

There are some CRAZY Laws in California…take a peek & get a laugh for the day. Some of them are funny and others I would love to see someone actually enforce…such as the Christmas lights…and pretty smart of San Francisco, don’t you think!




A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
A regulation in San Francisco makes it unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a car wash.
Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
Bath houses are against the law.
Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
Burlingame: It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds;
Carmel: Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor); Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.
Hollywood: It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
In Los Angeles courts it is illegal to cry on the witness stand.
In California it is illegal to have caller ID
In California it’s against regulations to let phones ring more than nine times in state offices.
In Los Angeles a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can’t be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife’s consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
In Riverside, California, kissing on the lips, unless both parties wipe their lips with carbonized rose water, is against the local health ordinance. (Someone needed to be kissed!)
In San Francisco it’s illegal to play poker in public or gamble in a barricaded room.
In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.
It is illegal to eat an orange in your bath tub
It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.
Lodi: It is illegal to own or sell “Silly String”.
Lompoc: It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.
Long Beach: Cars are the only item allowed in a garage; It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.
Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
No alcohol beverages can be displayed within five feet of a cash register of any store in California that sells both alcohol and motor fuel.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
Prunedale: Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.
Riverside: One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o’clock.
San Diego: It is illegal to shoot jack rabbits from the back of a streetcar; The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250.
San Francisco bans any “mechanical device that reproduces obscene language.”
San Jose: It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. -Ord. 7.08.595
Santa Monica: You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
The city of San Francisco holds a copyright on the name “San Francisco.” It is illegal to manufacture any item with the name without first getting permission from the city. Since the Supreme Court upheld the copyright, San Francisco has had an annual $300 million surplus every year.
Take a peek at some cr

 

"In California it is illegal to have caller ID."


NOT!

 

Sometimes!

Sometimes, Just sometimes, I am so glad, I am British!


Jack P.

 

So Rhoody, please share with us what "it" is?

 

Pat it is three little pigs. I thought you would have figured that out with my "we, we, we all the way home" post.

 

Thanks Jim, had another look and can see some pigs there, I did miss your hint.
Hope the infection is going away, let us know.

 

Proud Father

An Italian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing that his wife had just produced a typical Italian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Italian guy just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks......like I said, my boy's a typical Italian bambino."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"....one woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say you're the father of that typical Italian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"
The Italian father takes a long swig of Sambuca, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says.....
"We had him circumcised".

 

here's a few ways to pick a fight:

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't
used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

------------------------------------------

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?.
'No,' she answered. I then said,>
'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time,
simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
--------------------------------------------

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have
the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself.">
And that's when the fight started.....
--------------------------------------------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion,
and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat
alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she
sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since.">

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go
on celebrating that long?">
And then the fight started...
---------------------------------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from
0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......