Where's the humor on here?

How to wash a toilet
This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo
to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards
the bathroom.


3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet
and close the lid.
You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.

Never mind the noises that come from the toilet,
the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times.
This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.
Have someone open the front door of your home.

6. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom
and the front door


7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can,
and quickly lift the lid.


8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet,
streak through the bathroom,
and run outside where he will dry himself off.


9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.






Yours Sincerely,

The Dog.

 

How to wash a toilet
This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo
to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards
the bathroom.


3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet
and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.

Never mind the noises that come from the toilet,
the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times.
This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.
Have someone open the front door of your home.

6. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom
and the front door


7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can,
and quickly lift the lid.


8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet,
streak through the bathroom,
and run outside where he will dry himself off.




9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.



Yours Sincerely,

The Dog.

 

Seattle Jokes

What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle?
A weekend.
It only rains twice a year in Seattle:
August through April and May through July.
What does daylight-saving time mean in Seattle?
An extra hour of rain.
What's the definition of a Seattle optimist?
A guy with a sun visor on his rain hat.
What did the Seattle native say to the Pillsbury Doughboy?
Nice tan.
"I can't believe it," said the tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?"
"Well, that's hard to say," replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday."

 

in 2010 it rained on every single official holiday in Seattle...:

New Year's Day: (Jan. 1): 0.40"
MLK Jr. Birthday: (Jan 18): Trace. (0.42" on actual birthday of Jan 15)
Valentine's Day: (Feb. 14): 0.42"
President's Day: (Feb. 15): 0.07"
St. Patrick's Day: (March 17): 0.01"
Easter Sunday: (Apr. 4): 0.11"
Memorial Day: (May 31): 0.31"
Independence Day (July 4): 0.11"
[SeaFair Sunday (Aug. 8): 0.03"] -- we treat it like a holiday
Labor Day: (Sept. 6): 0.12"
Halloween (Oct. 31): 0.16"
Veteran's Day (Nov. 11): 0.13"
Thanksgiving (Nov. 25): 0.01"
Christmas (Dec 25) 0.32"

 

Four students, a Cuban, a Scot, a Mexican, and a Texan are sharing a carriage on a train to Houston.
The Cuban lights up this enormous Cuban cigar, about 12 inches long, worth about $800, takes one short drag from it and flings it out the window. The other three look at him in amazement and ask why he just threw out a full Cuban cigar. He replies, “I’m from Cuba, we have thousands of those things back home.
A few minutes later the Scotsman pulls out a liter of Bells, a 50 yr old whiskey worth a fortune. He takes a short measure glass, half fills it, knocks it back and flings the remainder out the window. The other three in shock ask him why he threw out a full bottle of fine Scottish malt whiskey. He replies, “I’m Scottish, I have a thousand of those back home.
A few minutes later the Mexican pulls out a very expensive bottle of the finest Tres Generations Tequila, pours half a shot glass, and downs it, then flings the full bottle out the window. The other three are surprised and ask him why he threw out a great bottle of tequila. He replies, “I’m from Mexico, we have thousands of those back home.
A few minute later, the Texan throws the Mexican out the window.

 

This nice, old Jewish man really wanted to win the lottery. So, one week, he goes to synagogue and he says, "Oy, Lord of heaven and earth, imagine how much good I could do with ze money I vould vin if I von the lottery! Imagine how much charity I could give! Help me vin the lottery and I will spent ze money visely!"

He doesn't win the lottery.

The next week, he goes to synagogue again and says, "Oh, lord of heaven and earth, you must not have heard me last veek! Imagine how many lives I could make easier with ze money from ze lottery! Help me vin ze lottery!" Once again, he doesn't win.
The third week, he goes to synagogue again and prays in a similar vein.

Suddenly, he hears a voice from the heavens: "Help me, help me!"

He says, "Lord of heaven and earth, what can I do to help you?"

"Buy a ticket!"

 

So two deer walk out of a gay bar

And the one says to the other


"I can't believe I blew thirty bucks back there"

 

Sounds like my wife.