Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.
He lives in krypton-free Piapi!
As I was conditioning my hair in the shower this morning, I took time to read my shampoo bottle. I am in shock! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my entire body says "for extra volume and body"! Seriously, why have I not noticed this before? Now I understand why I am so "full-figured"!
Tomorrow I am going to start using "Dawn" dish soap. It says right on the label "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
It pays to read the warning labels, my friends!
:( At Least you have hair !:D
Cheating wife joke...
A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight.
While enroute to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For 100 dollars, the cabby agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man.
The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?"
The cabby said, "I'd cover his @ss up with that blanket before he catches a cold."
Last week was my birthday and I didn't
feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,
and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,
he barely said good morning,
' Happy Birthday.'
Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids....
They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office,
my handsome Boss Rick, said,
'Good Morning, lady,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock ,
when Rick knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Rick,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
He chose instead a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,
Rick said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind?'
'Let's drop by my place,
it's just around the corner.'
After arriving at his house,
Rick turned to me and said,
If you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.
He went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
he came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
by my husband
and dozens of my friends
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there....
On the couch....
Similar, but different joke on video.
YouTube - FUNNIEST COMMERCIAL EVER!‏
How to build a 15 story hotel in days.
Well in China it is possible. How about the Philippines?
YouTube - Ark Hotel Construction time lapse building 15 storeys in 2 days‏
Impressive if the video is accurate. Especially when this one says it took 6 days. I'm sure it took longer than 2 days, as the video starts after the foundation is completed and they are already working on the 2nd floor. Prefabricated construction does work wonders though!
If it came in a kit with tagalog instructions, tools, and all the equipment necessary, it could be done in the Philippines...... in 3-4 months................maybe! :D
Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma..
After being in a coma for nearly 6 months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replied 'Ma'am, you had twins... a boy and a girl. The babies are fine.
However they were poorly at birth and had to be christened immediately - so your brother Paddy came in and named them.'
The woman thinks to herself Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother he's a fecking clueless idiot!
Expecting the worse, she asks the doctor 'Well, what's my daughter's name?'
'Denise' says the doctor. The new mother is somewhat relieved. 'Wow, that's a really beautiful name.
I guess I was wrong about my brother. She thought, 'I really like Denise.'
Then she asked, 'What's the boy's name?'
The doctor replies ' Denephew.'