Where's the humor on here?

HAHAHA :D I was laughing by myself when my husband who had just stepped in, asks if he said something funny, I said, NO, it's the funny post in the forum. Keep the fun going guys! :D

 

An older gentleman was playing a round of golf. Suddenly his ball sliced and landed in a shallow pond. As he was attempting to retrieve the ball he discovered a frog who, to his great surprise, started to speak! "Kiss me, and I will change into a beautiful princess, and I will be yours for a week." He picked up the frog and placed it in his pocket. As he continued to play golf, the frog repeated its message. "Kiss me, and I will change into a beautiful princess, and I will be yours for a whole month!" The man continued to play his golf game and once again the frog spoke out. "Kiss me,and I will change into a beautiful princess, and I will be yours for a whole year!" Finally, the old man turned to the frog and exclaimed, "At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog!"

 

A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder. "I just need one copy."

 

Catholic Education

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil (this is too cute)
You don't even have to be Catholic to appreciate this one.
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School .
Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend
sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and
Savior?" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again, Johnny
came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.&n bsp;
"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,
"Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after
she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that
d*mn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The nun fainted.......wahehehehehe

 

Escapee

A man escapes from a prison where he has been kept for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you".

To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, and thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. I told him where to find it! Be strong, honey. I love you".

 

Have you heard about when Jesus met an American, an German and a Norwegian guy at a bus stop.All was in some way of handicapped.The American was sitting in a wheel chair,the German was breathing thru a hole in the throut.The Norwegian was walking like he had a real bad back and was caughing all the time.

First Jesus was looking at theese three miserable kind of mankind.
Then he went to the American and said. I am Jesus from Nazaret, son of God. Now you are fresh and free to go. The American shauted in happiness and run over the street and forgot the bus in sheer happiness over that he could walk again,

So Jesus was turning to the German and said.
"I'm Jesus from Nazaret, Son of God. Now you are fresh and Ok".
The German was very happy and started at once to speak loud to everybody like all Germans do.

Then Jesus turned towards the Norwegian who had noticed what have happened."I'm Jesus from Nazaret,son of God ".Before he was able to say any more the Norwegian said." I know who you are, but you are not f*cking with my pension"

 

Bedside Manner

A guy and his wife are lying in bed when the husband starts caressing her back.

“Not tonight, dear,” she says. “I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow.” The husband rolls over and tries to go to sleep. A few minutes later, he turns back and again starts caressing her back.

“Honey, stop,” she says. “I told you I have to go to the gynecologist in the morning.”

“I know," he answers. “But you don’t have to go to the dentist, do you?”

 

:D :D :D :D

 

One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware
that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by
running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his
hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.

Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand
over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.
He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other.
His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing
then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to
do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to
better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his
side of the bed.

"Why are you stopping, darling?" she whispered.

He whispered back, "I found the remote." :D

Maayong Buntag diha!!

 

He’s Crafty

Leaving the poker party, late as usual, two friends compared notes. "I can never fool my wife," the first complained. "I turn off the car’s engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom. But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone."

"You’ve got the wrong technique, my friend," his buddy replied. "I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, rub my hand on my wife’s @ss, and ask, ’How ’bout a little?’ and she pretends to be asleep."