Where's the humor on here?

(Note: I cleaned this joke up and took out some gay slurs that were used so hopefully it is not offensive to any DI members - and/or football (soccer) fans))


Beer Football
A gay guy walks into a bar, sees the straight men watching soccer and starts laughing.

Man: "What are you laughing at gay boy?"

Gay Guy: "I cant believe you guys are watching that boring @ss game, when I know a sport we can play right here."

Man: "We don't wanna play gay games,gay boy, go away"

Gay Guy: "Well my game combines beer and football, and you always get wasted"

Bartender: "What are you talking about gay boy?"

Gay Guy: "Well, It's called Beer Football. It only requires two players, and usually only lasts one round because someone gets too drunk to play. To play you need:

1. The biggest pitcher full of beer this place has.

2. A perimeter around the room to run."

Bartender: "That sounds like a cool game gay boy, I bet you learned that when you were straight. Well how do you get points?"

Gay Guy: "Well, first you have to chug the pitcher of beer down as fast as you can, then run around the room.
If you make it, TOUCHDOWN! Six points! And to make the extra point, you have to pull your pants down, bend over and fart!
Ta da! Seven Points! Who thinks they can take me on?"

Bartender: "Haha that sounds like a game I would think of, I can kick your @ss gay boy. I accept your challenge."

The men start making bets on who is going to win. Making comments on how they should play this game at drinking parties and such.

The Bartender fills up this 2 gallon pitcher and sets it on the counter.

Bartender: " You go first Gay-Man-McGee"

The gay guy goes up does a gay dance and picks up the beer and starts chugging away.
He downs the two gallons in less than thirty seconds! He runs around the bar, doesnt even stumble! Gets to the end and pulls his pants down and lets out a huge fart!

Gay guy: "Seven Points! Seven Points!"

Now the men are worried and the Bartender is nervous.

The Bartender gets up and grabs the two gallon pitcher and starts drinking. He spills most of it and barely gets it down 3 minutes later.
He tries to run around the room and knocks some tables down before he gets to the end, but he makes it! He pulls his pants down and bends over

When the gay guy comes up behind him and says
"BLOCK THAT KICK!"

 

Cat and rooster

Once there was a cat & a rooster. The cat fell into the water & the rooster laughed. Moral lesson: For every wet p*ssy, there’s a happy cock

 

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his
father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal: 'You bring your grades up from a C to
a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then
well talk about the car.'

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the
offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades
up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm
disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.

The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've
noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the
Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair...and there's even strong
evidence that Jesus had long hair.'

Your going to love the Dad's
reply:

his father replied,

'Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?

 

hope this is a new one

Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. She awaits the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger. Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.' Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?' The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages. PS.. Have I sent this to you already?

 

well ...

​

 

Some Sense of humour!

Do you think this Architect got the Sack?

Jack P.:D

 

Young vs. Old

The old gent was backing his Rolls into the last available parking space when a zippy red sports car whipped in behind him to take the spot.
The young driver jumped out and said, “Sorry, Pops, but you’ve got be young and smart to do that!”
The old man ignored the remark and kept reversing until the Rolls had crunched the sports car into a crumpled heap.
“Sorry, Son, you’ve got be old and rich to do THAT!”

 

​

 

Gas Station Joke
A foreigner and his new girlfriend are driving down south highway. The man asks “If I drive 100 mph will you take off your clothes?” and she agrees. So the man drives 100 mph and his girlfriend strips. The man is so busy looking at his girlfriend that he crashes into a tree. The car flipped over, trapping the man and all of his girlfriend’s clothes. All that is free of the car is the girlfriend and one of his shoes.
The man yells, “You have to go get help. Go to that gas station over there.”
His girlfriend says, “Are you kidding me? I’m naked.”
“Well” replies the man “Take my shoe over there cover up your p___y and go get help.”
So the woman covers her p___y with the shoe and goes to the gas station. She says to an attendant, “You have to help me. My boyfriend’s trapped”
“I’m sorry mam” the attendant replies, “he’s too far in.”

 

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had
been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically STUPID!

So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year,
that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so
I finally just hung up. He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot.