Where's the humor on here?

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Hi Sweetheart,

I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights.

I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something.

I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy.

All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season.

Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights!

I took the time to hang the lights for you today and now I'm off to the woods deer hunting.

Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday.

I'll be home in 4 or 5 days.

Love you……

 

Moosehead beer

This actually happened with some guys from Maine.
They dressed the truck up with the guy dummy spread eagle on the roof of the truck.
The driver and passenger put on Moose Heads.
Down the Maine Toll interstate they went causing about 16 accidents.
They went to jail.

 

TOP TEN REASONS MEN PREFER GUNS OVER WOMEN:
And here we go...

#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're
on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably
let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a
backup.

#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer Guns over women...


#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun.

 

That one light on the right is burnt out....please replace on Your return.........good hunting...........

 

Politically incorrect??

Maybe a little politically incorrect, but.......still funny


I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg."


I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!
At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.


My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.


Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt!
Do you think I should change dentists?


I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You're obviously not listening."


The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.


At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?
Apparently the correct answer was Africa! Who knew?


One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells.
It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.


There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.


You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.


A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."


Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4,000 f**king Muslims have added me as a friend!


Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick b@st@rd."


The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

 

You want what for Christmas?

 

Deaf Genie

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says “Wow, that’s a huge lighter…where did you get it?”
The guy replies “A genie from this bottle granted me one wish.”

“Great, can I try it?”
“Sure.”

The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. “You are granted one wish” says the genie.

The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”
“Done” says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

“I can’t believe this,” says the guy who had just placed his wish, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”

The second guy then says, “Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?”

 

Secrets of Stonehenge Reveald

I know the Brits always made a big thingy out of their 5 rocks and the formation. here is what really happened

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Love those Angry birds ,,, cost me a fortune at Christmas ,, daay i want Angry bird T-shirt , angry bird hat angry bird,,,,,,,,,,,