Where's the humor on here?

My girlfriend says that a small penis shouldn't affect our relationship. Whether that's true or not, I'd really prefer it if she didn't have one.

 

I don't care where Your from.......that's just plain funny.......LOL

 

Recent research has shown that 90% of men don't know how to turn on the dishwasher.

I find that kissing her neck and gently squeezing her butt usually does the trick. :D

 

I met this beautiful young chick, looked like a movie star or a real sexy model. She talked the talk and I wanted to ball her badly. I thought I had a chance on our third date, making out at her place, both her and I copping a feel. Finally, I went for the home run but she stopped me cold and told me she was on her period. Normally that wouldn't stop me but she told me not to worry, she will take care of me and I can owe her one. Afterwords, looking to give her a compliment I told her, "baby, you've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across".

 

Dr. Phil Prank Phone Call to Philippines Call Center

Just ran across this on Youtube and though it was hilarious. It's a few years old, so apologies if you've already heard it.

Not sure if he's known internationally, but Dr. Phil is a TV "doctor" (psychologist) who's show is very big in the the US.

A prankster with a soundboard (I put as couple of links at the bottom to some if you don't know what they are) made a call to a Philippines call center and had a pretty long conversation with the female operator using just canned sound bites from the TV show.

Typically Filipina, the girl was SO kind and considerate and just trying to do her job that the conversation goes on WAY longer than it should have

Dr. Phil Calls a Cute Filipina Teenager (soundboard prank) - YouTube



Here are a couple of links to soundboards, you'll recognize the clips used in the prank:

Dr. Phil Soundboard Loud

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_soundboards/drphil.swf

 

Late Night Phone Call To The Vet

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbours' male dog while the neighbours were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,

"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked..

"It just worked for me," he replied.

 

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I was raised with the saying that "an apple a day keeps the doctor away".

There's so many Muslim doctors in UK now that I find that a bacon sandwich works just as well.

 

Little boy comes home from school and says to his Mom, "the other kids in school are saying words like p*ssy and b*tch. What does it mean ?" Mom takes a deep breath and says "well, p*ssy is a cat just like old Jess over there, and b*tch is a lady dog just like our Bess laying in the yard out there". Boy says "ok Mom, thanks" but he's not convinced. He goes down to the garage and sees his Dad. "Dad" he says, "the kids in school are talking about p*ssy and b*tch. I dont know what they mean. I just asked Mom but I don't believe her. What does it all mean." Dad has a faraway look in his eyes and reaches behind his tool kit for the latest copy of Playboy. He opens it up to the centre spread and draws a circle around the pubic area of the model. He looks at his son and says "everything inside this circle is p*ssy". "OK Dad" says the son, ""how about the b*tch?". "The b*tch" says dad, "is everything else outside of the circle".