Where's the humor on here?

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A Muslim couple in Peckham Rye , preparing for their wedding, meet the Mullah for counselling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave. The man asks, "We realize
it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together."

"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately."

"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"

"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam."

"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"

"Of course!" replies the Mullah, "Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!"

"What about different positions?" asks the man..

"No problem," says the Mullah.

"Woman on top?" the man asks.

"Sure," says the Mullah.. "Go for it!"

"Doggy style?" "Sure!"

"On the kitchen table?" "Yes, yes!"

"Can we do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot
oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a
porno video?" "You may indeed!"

"Can we do it standing up?"

"No.." says the Mullah.

"Why not?" asks the man.

"It could lead to dancing."

 

"A proper English Gentleman"
A proper English Gentleman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:
Dear Madam,
Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied
2) that there was plenty of heat
3) that is was small enough to make me cozy and at home. Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250.00 with the following note:
Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of if, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of
regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady.

 

Hassan & Habib

Hassan and Habib are beggars.

They beg in different areas of Sydney ..
Habib begs just as long as Hassan but only collects $2 to $3 every day.

Hassan brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 notes, drives a Mercedes,
lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Habib says to Hassan, 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how
do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 notes every day?'

Hassan says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say ?'

Habib's sign reads; 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.

Hassan says, 'No wonder you only get $2- $3 !'

Habib says... 'So what does your sign say ?'

Hassan shows Habib his sign....

It reads: 'I only need another $10 to move back to Pakistan ...'

 

... hmmmmm she forgot the Sandwich ...

 

^^^ Rhoody's 1st round? :D

 

​

 

Yeah, we Americans are well-aware of that...

 

RED INDIAN names !



A little Canadian Indian boy asked his father, the Big Chief of the tribe: "Father, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have short names like Bill , Tex or Sam?"



"My son", replied his father, "Our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem in our culture;

Not like the White Men who live all together and merely repeat their names from generation to generation.



For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over the Lake because, on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.



Then there's your brother, White Horse of the Prairies - because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and of the life force of our people.



It's really very simple and easy to understand”.



"Do you have any other questions for me, Little Broken Condom Made In China.?"
:D

 

I'm in hospital at the moment. I was enjoying a wonderful romp with a delightful lady who was very helpfully bending over the kitchen table. Suddenly we heard the front door open and she said "hell, it's my husband. Quick, try the back door". Looking back, I should have just grabbed my clothes and ran, but you don't get an offer like that every day................. :D