Where's the humor on here?

An Elderly Lady Decided To Give Herself A Big Treat For Her Significant Birthday By Staying Overnight In One Of London’s Most Expensive Hotels.
When She Checked Out Next Morning, The Desk Clerk Handed Her A Bill For £250.
She Explode And Demanded To Know Why The Charge Was So High.
“It’s A Nice Hotel But The Rooms Certainly Aren’t Worth £250 For Just An Overnight Stop Without Even Breakfast.”
The Clerk Told Her That £250 Is The ‘Standard Rate‘ So She Insisted On Speaking To The Manager.
The Manager Appeared And Forewarned By The Desk Clerk Announced: “The Hotel Has An Olympic-Sized Pool And A Huge Conference Center Which Are Available For Use.”
“But I Didn’t Use Them” She Said.
”Well, They Are Here, And You Could Have” Explained The Manager.
He Went On To Explain That She Could Also Have Seen One Of The In-Hotel Shows For Which The Hotel Is Famous.
“We Have The Best Entertainers From Edinburgh, Glasgow, And Aberdeen Performing Here” The Manager Said.
“But I Didn’t Go To Any Of Those Shows” She Said.
“Well, We Have Them, And You Could Have” The Manager Replied.
No Matter What Amenity The Manager Mentioned, She Replied: “But I Didn’t Use It!”
The Manager Was Unmoved, So She Decided To Pay, Wrote A Cheque And Gave It To The Manager.
The Manager Was Surprised When He Looked At The Cheque.
“But Madam, This Cheque Is Only Made Out For £50.”
”That’s Correct, I Charged You £200 For Sleeping With Me” She Replied.
“But I Didn’t!” Exclaims The Very Surprised Manager.
“Well, Too Bad, I Was Here, And You Could Have.”
Moral: Don’t Mess With Senior Citizens

 

Don't mess with Seniors.



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They'd make a awesome couple

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Wishful thinking

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I know what you're thinking

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Husband takes the wife to a disco.
There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large - break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says: See that guy?
25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says: "looks like he's still celebrating!!!

 

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was full of patients. As he approached the desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a hostile, unfriendly, miserable woman.The elderly man gave her his name. In a very loud voice the receptionist said "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE. YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT ?" All the patients in the waiting room turned to stare at the very embarrassed elderly man. He recovered his composure quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied "NO, I'VE COME TO ENQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS".

 

It is scientifically proven that a woman can be satisfied with three n a half inches and it dose not matter if it is visa or master card

 

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book.

He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either.

Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em torturing this chick.

Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me.

So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?"

"Er.. about two minutes ago."

 

A guy comes up to a woman at the office and he tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes to her supervisor to file a sexual harassment suit.

The supervisor says, "What’s wrong with someone telling you that your hair smells nice"?

The woman replies, "he’s a midget".