Where's the humor on here?

An old guy was out shopping when he had a huge heart attack. He was rushed to hospital where he had open heart surgery and was in intensive care. When he woke up, he saw that he was in a Catholic hospital and there was a stern faced nun sitting by the side of his bed. She was holding a pile of paper forms. She saw the old boy open his eyes, and said, " do you have health insurance?"
"No" croaked the old boy, "no health insurance".
"Well, do you have any money to pay for the surgery?" asked the nun.
"No" he said "I don't have any money at all". The nun was getting irritated.
"Ok. Do you have any relatives who can help pay for the stay in hospital" demanded the nun.
"I have only one sister" said the old guy " and she is a spinster and also a nun".
"Nuns are not spinsters" fumed the nun, "they are married to God".
"Good" said the old guy, "send the friggin' bill to my brother-in-law".

 

a bear and a rabbit used to meet each day to chat and have a sh*t together,. one day the bear asked rabbit DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE WITH sh*t STICKING TO YOUR FUR? no answered the rabbit, with that the bear picked up the rabbit and used him to wipe his aes

 

guy one.... while i was back in the states this time my wife had a baby
guy two ...so you missed the birth?
yes and the conception

 

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner. "This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape. "Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline. The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan). That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his
girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm. "Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes." "No problem," he says. And in they go. The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet. So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word. "Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.
Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the d*mn dishes."

 

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's
a 'peel and win' sticker on her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming,
'I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!'

The waitress says, 'That's impossible.
The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?'

But the blonde keeps on screaming,
I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!'

Finally, the manager comes over and says,
'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome
because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, 'No, it's not a mistake.
I've won a motorhome!'

And she hands the ticket to the
manager and HE reads...

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