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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. Broadside

    Broadside DI Forum Patron

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  2. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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  3. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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  4. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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  5. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    For mothers there is Mothers Day,
    For dads there is Fathers Day,
    For Lovers there is Valentines Day
    but for Wankers there is Palm Sunday
     
  6. Broadside

    Broadside DI Forum Patron

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  7. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    A gas station owner near Camden , Alabama was trying to increase his sales.So he put up a sign that read,"Free Sex with Fill-Up."
    Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
    The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.
    The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said,"You were close! The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."
    A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up.
    Again he asked for his free sex.
    The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
    The redneck guessed 2 this time.
    The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3.
    You were close, but NO free sex this time."
    As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is RIGGED, and he doesn't really give away FREE Sex."
    Bubba replied, "No it ain't, LeRoy. It ain't rigged. My WIFE won twice last week."
     
  8. redhorse

    redhorse DI Forum Adept

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    More lost in translation

    One night recently at the Why Not, Marie was lamenting the current slim pickings among the longnose crowd.
    Her friend Karen, recently enaged, said to her, "Good news! My fiance has a friend visiting from abroad next week. He's kind, gentle, and owns his own business. I think you'd like him."
    "Wow, will you introduce us?", asks Marie.
    "Sure", replies Karen, "but there's one thing I have to tell you..." and she whispers the rest into Marie's ear.
    "No thanks!" answers a surprised and somewhat shocked Marie. "I don't need that!".

    Two weeks later they spy their friend Mildred strolling along the boulevard, hand-in-hand with the gent in question, and sporting a nice engagement ring. Marie nudges Karen and with a smirk says, "I can't believe she's going with him with his condition and all!"
    Puzzled, Karen asks, "What do you mean?"
    "You know, what you told me..." and Marie whispers the rest into Karen's ear.

    The boulevard crowd is startled by Karen's loud laughter as she exclaims to Marie, "'tado, I said he had a HAIR PIECE, NOT HERPES!!!"
     
  9. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

    Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, miss, me, me!"

    Teacher says "All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?"

    Little Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate."

    Teacher smiles and says "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."

    Little Johnny says "No, miss, you're thinking of a blowjob.
    I'm talking about a wank.
     
  10. OP
    OP
    grandpainak

    grandpainak DI Forum Patron Showcase Reviewer

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    An Irishman

    An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

    A cop pulls him over.

    "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"

    "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

    " Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

    "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

    "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

    "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
     
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