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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. OP
    OP
    grandpainak

    grandpainak DI Forum Patron Showcase Reviewer

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    A Norewegian

    Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.

    He vent to da emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Okie dokie, let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do."

    Ole said, "I haven't got da finkers."

    "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said. "Lordy- it's 2013 and I'ves got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible surgery techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?"

    Ole says........."How da fock vas I suppose to pick dem up?"
     
  2. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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  3. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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  4. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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    Discovery of the Heaviest Element

    Research has led to discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neuron, 25 assistant neurons, 88 deputy neurons and 198 assistant deputy neurons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

    These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that normally takes less than a second to take as long as 4 years to complete.

    Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes more morons to become neurons, forming isodopes.

    This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

    When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, which has half as many peons but twice the number of morons.
     
  5. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    Canadian Siamese Twins
    Siamese twins walk into a bar in Toronto and park themselves on a bar stool.
    One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; as you can see, we're joined side


    by side at the hip. I’m John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."

    The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while


    pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, boys"?

    "Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car

    and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.

    "Ah, England !" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the


    culture..."

    "Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer,


    that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude."

    "So why keep going to England ?" asks the bartender.
    "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."



     
  6. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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    A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

    “Jesus knows you’re here.”

    He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

    When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

    Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard:

    “Jesus is watching you.”

    Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

    Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

    “Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.

    “Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.”

    The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

    “Moses,” replied the bird.

    “Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird ‘Moses?’”

    “The same kind of people who would name a Rottweiler ‘Jesus.’”
     
  7. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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  8. john boy

    john boy DI Forum Luminary

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    KDF, I think Joel Osteen would like that one about the parrot too. Holy Moses:D
     
  9. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    Just another mother-in-law joke
    [​IMG]
     
  10. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    The nuts and bolts of it
    [​IMG]
     
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