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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

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  1. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    Milk - mystery flavour revealed
    [​IMG]
     
    progmeister, Mar 27, 2013
    #1891
  2. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    Why I don't take buses
    [​IMG]
     
    progmeister, Mar 27, 2013
    #1892
  3. Broadside

    Broadside DI Forum Patron

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    Broadside, Mar 27, 2013
    #1893
  4. PatO

    PatO DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Marines

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    PatO, Mar 27, 2013
    #1894
  5. Dave & Imp

    Dave & Imp DI Forum Patron Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer

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    Ever wonder what cats call it?

    So what do cats eat? or what do the cats call it? Do they call it "human"?
     
    Dave & Imp, Mar 27, 2013
    #1895
  6. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    A Public Service Announcement
    [​IMG]
     
    progmeister, Mar 28, 2013
    #1896
  7. stevewatson

    stevewatson Guest Guest User

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    stevewatson, Mar 28, 2013
    #1897
  8. Manzanita

    Manzanita DI Forum Patron

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    One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he's wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon...

    Demon: Why so glum?
    Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
    Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man?
    Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
    Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and Fresca... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
    Guy: Gee that sounds great!
    Demon: You a smoker?
    Guy: You know it!
    Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie- you're already dead, remember?
    Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!
    Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
    Guy: Why, yes I do.
    Demon: Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well, you're dead anyhow.
    Demon: You into drugs?
    Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean?...
    Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want; you're dead who cares! O.D.!!
    Guy: WOW !! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!!
    Demon: You gay?
    Guy: No....
    Demon: "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."
     
    Manzanita, Mar 28, 2013
    #1898
  9. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit
    jump out across the middle of the road.

    He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the
    rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

    The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal
    lover, pulls over and gets out to see
    what has become of the rabbit.
    Much to his dismay, the rabbit is
    the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .

    The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
     A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
    sees a man crying on the side of the road
    and pulls over.
    She steps out of the car and asks the man
    what's wrong.

    "I feel terrible," ! he explains,
    "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car
    and KILLED HIM."

    The blonde says,"Don't worry."

    She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
    She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny,
    bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.
    The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the
    two of them and hops off down the road.

    Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves
    again, he hops down the road another 10 feet,
    turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
    turns and waves, and repeats this again and again
    and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

    The man is astonished.
    He runs over to the woman and demands,

    "What is in that can?
    What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"

    The woman turns the can around
    so that the man can read the label.
    It says..


    (Are you ready for this?)

    (You know you're gonna be sorry)

    (Last chance)

    (OK, here it is)

    It says,

    "Hair Spray
    Restores life to dead hair,
    and adds permanent wave."

    Happy Easter! ! !
     
    Charlie, Mar 28, 2013
    #1899
  10. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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    He didn't get far:

    [​IMG]
     
    Knowdafish, Mar 28, 2013
    #1900
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