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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. nice_sherwood

    nice_sherwood DI Senior Member

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    My husband used to work in a building industry and on rainy days you have to stay 4 hours and you go home with 8 hours pay and he owns this German shepherd with the next door neighbor having rabbits and every afternoon the next door neighbor would go up and check his rabbits and with the German shepherd always trying to get at the rabbit the neighbor kept warning my husband to make sure that dog will never get over the fence.

    So on this rainy day, my husband and his workmate came home mid day and found the dog dragging the rabbit up and down in the mud in our backyard so they thought "sh*t what would we do" so they took the rabbit to the bathroom and shampooed him and blow dried him and jumped the fence and threw the rabbit back into the cage before the owner came home.

    When the owner got home at 4 o'clock, we can hear all this yelling and screaming so my husband went out and asked the next door neighbor what's wrong and the rabbit owner said

    "THIS RABBIT IT DIED THE OTHER DAY, I BURIED IT AND HERE IT IS BACK IN ITS CAGE!"
     
  2. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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    One example of what I posted earlier. :smile: hehe
     
  3. nice_sherwood

    nice_sherwood DI Senior Member

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    WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?


    Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.

    I’m not from New York . I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

    Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

    Here are my questions specifically:
    - Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

    -What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings

    -Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

    - Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have
    nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

    - Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

    - How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

    Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

    it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
    PostingID: 432279810

    THE ANSWER
    Dear Pers-431649184:

    I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

    Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

    Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

    So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

    So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

    Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

    By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.
    With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.”
    I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
     
  4. Last Call

    Last Call DI Junior Member

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    Nice_Sherwood- You have clearly explained the reason I went to the Philippines to find my wife. Many foreigners get aggravated with the standard Filipina questions: 1) What is your name? 2) What country do you come from 3) How long do you stay etc. But the average western woman is much more mercenary with 1) What do you do for a living (income potential). 2) Where do you live (assets) 3) What kind of car do you drive (cash flow).

    I have met, dated and even been married once to the woman in your joke. Finally deciding that I want someone interested in me instead of my income I went to the Philippines and never looked back.
     
  5. brian ausie

    brian ausie DI Forum Patron

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    I was lucky on my second try here, I actually got a lovely woman beautiful on the inside aswell as the outside, and none of the above questions were asked.almost 3 years now haven't looked back.
     
  6. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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    A New Helmet or a New "Muffler"?

    :smile::smile::smile:

    [​IMG]
     
  7. Vicmico

    Vicmico DI Member

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    Cannot be in the Philippines 'cause he's wearing a helmet (and she also something....)...
     
  8. john boy

    john boy DI Forum Luminary

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    Is that what happens when the assets start to decrease in value, :p
     
  9. jimeve

    jimeve DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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  10. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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