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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

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  1. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
     
  2. brian ausie

    brian ausie DI Forum Patron

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    There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
    One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address.
    He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

    The letter read:
    Dear God,
    I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
    Yesterday someone stole my purse.
    It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.
    Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited
    two of my friends over for dinner.

    Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope...
    Can you please help me?

    Sincerely, Edna


    The postal worker was touched.
    He showed the letter to all the other workers.
    Each one dug into his or her wallet and came
    up with a few dollars.

    By the time he made the rounds, he had
    collected $96, which they put into an envelope
    and sent to the woman.


    The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would
    be able to share with her friends.

    Christmas came and went.

    A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.
    All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

    It read:

    Dear God,

    How can I ever thank you enough for what you
    did for me?
    Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.
    We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

    By the way, there was $4 missing.

    I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

    Sincerely, Edna
     
  3. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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  4. Broadside

    Broadside DI Forum Patron

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    Billy-Ray was getting his first hand-job from his new girlfriend Mary-Beth.
    "How come you're so good at this" he asked.
    "Years of practice" she replied.
    "Bit of a player in your day?" said Billy-Ray.
    "Nope" said Mary-Beth, "my dad had no arms".
     
  5. Broadside

    Broadside DI Forum Patron

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    I said to the wife "I've got a problem".
    "No" she said,"you're not alone. We are a unit, we are a couple, your problem is my problem, we share everything. So it's WE have a problem. Now, what is this problem".
    I was greatly relieved at this and said "it's not worth mentioning now", but she insisted on me telling her.
    So I started to explain how WE had got her sister pregnant.
     
  6. Broadside

    Broadside DI Forum Patron

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    My ex-wife was always complaining that she wanted me to be more like her father.

    She soon changed her mind when she came home one day and found me in bed with her mother. :D
     
  7. garbonzo

    garbonzo DI Senior Member Veteran Marines

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    The Gay Cowboy

    A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

    She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

    Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

    She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

    He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

    For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well

    Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick
    up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

    One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

    Two o'clock and no hired hand.

    Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

    She quietly called him over to her.

    "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.


    Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."


    He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."

    He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.


    "Now take off my skirt."

    He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

    "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told
    and dropped it to the floor.

    Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
     
  8. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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  9. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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  10. robert k

    robert k DI Forum Patron Highly Rated Poster Veteran Army

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    I need to find out what market that came from. That's what I call fresh! If I ordered two, would they need a bigger bike?
     
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