Where's the humor on here?

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his
father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades
up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then
we'll talk about the car.'
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the
offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades
up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible,
but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.
The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've
noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the
Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ ~ ~ and there's even
strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.'


You're going to love the Dad's reply:

'Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?'

 

Jim, I was going to say well someone had to do the Donkey work......But no

 

Work-out time.

Have you done your work-out lately ?

 

I had it there awhile ago I don't know why it's gone? Lol. Or do you have to upload the photos separate?

 

Yes, you have to upload the pictures separately. You can't just copy and paste an email that has pictures onto a forum post and expect the pictures to show up.

 

Opps I'm sorry I didn't know that. Will try uploading now. My apologies.

 

SIMPLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE SIMPLE TRUTH!!
SIMPLE TRUTH 1

Lovers help each other undress before sex.

However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.


SIMPLE TRUTH 2

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats".

but, none of them touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".

Moral of the story: Hard work is never appreciated.

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the as*hole's name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.


Bonus:
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one,when he was shot by the woman's husband.

 

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball.'
Man:'That's nice'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'
The lover, remembering the last time,
asks the boy, How much?'
Boy: '$750'
Man: 'Sold..'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy , 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: '$1,000'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.'

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here..'
The priest says, 'Don't start that sh*t again; you're in my closet now.'