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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. The Dane

    The Dane DI Senior Member

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    This thread is getting shorter and shorter :smile:

    Anyways, I am back in the City of Gentle people, so I should be online a little more again :smile:
     
  2. OP
    OP
    grandpainak

    grandpainak DI Forum Patron Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    Thanks Dane,
    I reframed from post on here lately because I though my post about some adult humor, was needed here. Than a few others decided to turn it into an international political Tae-Bagyo.

    Jim
     
  3. jimeve

    jimeve DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    The Meaning of Life

    >
    >
    >>
    >>>>> The Meaning of Life
    >>>>>
    >>>>> On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the
    >>>>> door
    >>>>> of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will
    >>>>> give
    >>>>> you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be
    >>>>> barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So
    >>>>> God
    >>>>> agreed.
    >>>>>
    >>>>> On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people,
    >>>>> do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life
    >>>>> span." The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I
    >>>>> don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too,
    >>>>> okay?" And God agreed.
    >>>>>
    >>>>> On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the
    >>>>> field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have
    >>>>> calves
    >>>>> and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of
    >>>>> sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me
    >>>>> to
    >>>>> live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other
    >>>>> forty." And God agreed again.
    >>>>>
    >>>>> On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry
    >>>>> and
    >>>>> enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only
    >>>>> twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the
    >>>>> cow
    >>>>> gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave
    >>>>> back, that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."
    >>>>>
    >>>>> So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy
    >>>>> ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
    >>>>> family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
    >>>>> grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch
    >>>>> and
    >>>>> bark at everyone.
    >>>>>
    >>>>> Life has now been explained to you.
    >>>>> Jim :D
     
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  4. pickled_newt

    pickled_newt DI Forum Patron

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    Should have realized this earlier ,I hate the barking part .
    Is this no rest for the wicked?
     
  5. PhilT

    PhilT DI Member

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    This guy walks into a bar with a duck dancing on a biscuit tin, after awhile a small crowd gathers and watches this Duck, later the bar owner asks the Guy if he would sell the duck, as it would be good for business to have some entertainment for his customers, the guy says he will accept P10,000 for this talented Duck, the bar owner says great! a snip! so he keeps the duck on the bar and the guy goes off, Later he goes back to see how things are and the bar is full of people, the owner says, this is great! the duck brings in lots of customers! I have never been so busy! OH! one question mate, how do you stop the duck dancing?...as he is leaving the guy says, "Oh easy, just lift the lid and blow the candle out".
     
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  6. Swany

    Swany DI Senior Member

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    Hey, this post is totally different, why? Because we can all smile now! :smile:This is truly humor. :smile: Good for you jimeve! Keep the humor going! :smile:
     
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  7. jimeve

    jimeve DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    Thanks Swany , will keep it like this :smile:
     
  8. chrissar

    chrissar DI Senior Member

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    An elderly man, 84, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn't have long to live. So, he summoned the three most important people in his life to tell them his fate.
    1) His DOCTOR
    2) His PRIEST
    3) His LAWYER

    Well, today I found out that I don't have long to live. So, I have summoned you 3 here, because you are the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. Today, I am giving you each an envelope with $50,000 inside.

    When I die, I would ask all 3 of you to throw the money into my grave.

    After the man passed away, the 3 people happened to run into each. The DOCTOR said, " I have to admit I kept $10,000 of his money, he owed me on lots of medical bills, but, I threw the $40,000 as he requested."

    The PRIEST confessed, " I have to admit also, I kept $25,000 for the church. It's all going to a good cause. I did, however, threw the other $25,000 in the grave."

    Well the LAWYER just can't believe what he was hearing. " I am surprised at you two, taking advantage of him like that?!?!?"

    " I WROTE A CHEQUE FOR THE FULL AMOUNT OF $50,000 AND THREW IT ALL IN!!!!!
     
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  9. Swany

    Swany DI Senior Member

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    Hi Sar, I could not help but laughed by myself. :smile: This is so funny! I am still
    looking for some funny stories in the internet. I know I came across some funny ones but I just did not give it a second thought. Keep the fun going! :smile:
     
  10. Decon_phils

    Decon_phils DI Member

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    This one is "stolen" from The Outlaw ( with thanks)

    European guy, living in The Philippines gets his brother on the phone. Brother ask>> Whats the time-difference we have ?? Says the guy in The Phils>> 6 hours and about 40 years

    Ryan.
     
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