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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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  2. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    Hey folks! 'Been a while...
     

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  3. robert k

    robert k DI Forum Patron Highly Rated Poster Veteran Army

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    You could also do their laundry for them and they could pick it up at the house when they were ready.:p
     
  4. Knowdafish

    Knowdafish DI Forum Luminary

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    With Eye of the Tiger (Theme to Rocky) playing in the background....

    [​IMG]
     
  5. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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  6. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    What's the rush ?

    So, what's the rush ?
     

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  7. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    This is true Love :

    Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't
    mean they don't love you with all they have.. Ralph and Edna were both
    patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the
    hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He
    sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

    Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled
    him out. Edna then took Ralph back to their room.

    When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she
    immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
    considered Edna to be mentally stable.

    When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, 'Edna, I have good news
    and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged since you were able
    to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the
    person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound
    mindedness..

    The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe
    belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

    Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry... How soon can I go home ?










     
  8. blueskies

    blueskies DI Forum Adept

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    Over here i have to remind everyday when he is around...and i succeed after a week!!O-|
     
  9. Dave & Imp

    Dave & Imp DI Forum Patron Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer

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    When the fight started

    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
    I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
    'No,' she answered.
    I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

    ... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

    ******
    I took my wife to a restaurant.

    The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

    "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
    "Nah, she can order for herself."

    And that's when the fight started.....

    ****

    My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
    reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
    drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

    I asked her, "Do you know him?"
    "Yes", she sighed,
    "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
    right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
    hasn't been sober since."

    "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
    celebrating that long?"

    And then the fight started...


    ****

    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
    But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
    making beer.. Always something more important to me.

    Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
    When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
    scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
    the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
    I handed her a toothbrush.

    I said, "When you finish cutting the
    grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
     
  10. Dave & Imp

    Dave & Imp DI Forum Patron Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer

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    Then the fight started - Part 2

    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
    boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
    downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
    would be bad all day.

    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
    now with a different anticipation,
    and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

    My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

    And that's how the fight started...

    _______________________________

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
    She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

    I bought her a bathroom scale.

    And then the fight started......

    ______________________________

    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
    for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me

    for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets

    and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that

    I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
    So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

    She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

    She said, 'You should have dropped
    your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

    And then the fight started...

    _______________
     
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