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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

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  1. Jack Peterson

    Jack Peterson DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Air Force

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    Just a couple for today.

    1. Human lechon View attachment 9903 If they were Murders and there was a death penalty it would save on prison Costs and feeds many :D:D



    2.Dumaguetes answer to the Trike congestion (mechanical Elephant.) View attachment 9904 Apparently it seats 49 people. Good Don't you think ?
     

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    Jack Peterson, Jan 22, 2014
    #2151
  2. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    The good samaritan..........

    A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

    The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.


    "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"


    He slams the door and returns to bed.


    "Who was that?" asked his wife..

    "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.


    "Did you help him?" she asks.


    "No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloomin' well pouring with rain out there!"


    "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?


    I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!

    "God loves drunk people too you know."


    The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.


    He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"


    "Yes," comes back the answer.


    "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.


    "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.


    "Where are you?" asks the husband.



    "Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..
     
    Charlie, Jan 22, 2014
    #2152
  3. expatron

    expatron DI Forum Patron

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    Note to new DI owner.....How about a Booooo button next to Like? lol lol :D
     
    expatron, Jan 22, 2014
    #2153
  4. Jack Peterson

    Jack Peterson DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Air Force

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    BOO :rolleyes:
     
    Jack Peterson, Jan 22, 2014
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  5. Broadside

    Broadside DI Forum Patron

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    An Australian ventriloquist is making a visit to New Zealand and strolls into a small village. He sees a local sitting on his verandah patting his dog and decides to have some amusement.
    Aussie : "G'day Blue. Mind if I talk with your dog ?"
    Kiwi : "Dog don't talk, yah 'kin dumb digger".
    Aussie : "G'day dog. How are things ?"
    Dog : "I'm good thanks".
    Kiwi : stunned silence.
    Aussie : "Is this villager your owner ?"
    Dog : "Yep".
    Aussie : "So how does he treat you ?"
    Dog : "Pretty good really. Walks me twice a day, takes me to the lake so I can play, gives me a juicy bone sometimes"
    Aussie : "sounds like he treats you ok"
    Kiwi : wide eyed confusion.
    Aussie : "Mind if I chat with your horse ?"
    Kiwi : "Errr, horse don't talk - I think".
    Aussie : "Hi Hoss, how are you ?"
    Horse : "Pretty good thanks".
    Aussie : "Does your owner treat you good ?"
    Horse : "Guess so. Rides me out regular, grooms me every day, gives me a nice stable to protect me".
    Aussie : "You seem like a contented horse".
    Kiwi : open mouthed and speechless.
    Aussie : "Can I chat with your sheep"
    Kiwi : in a blind panic -"don't believe that ewe. She's a 'kin liar".
     
    Broadside, Jan 22, 2014
    #2155
  6. Jack Peterson

    Jack Peterson DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Air Force

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    One for Broadside (Cos! cats Grow Big sometimes)

    Don't be silly, of course I still love you!!:smile:



    View attachment 9906
     

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    Jack Peterson, Jan 23, 2014
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  7. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    Just how it is......

    I know you have been lying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies," and "Pampers', while undergarments for old people are called "Depends".

    Well here is the low down on the whole thing.

    When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em and Pamper em.

    When old people poop in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will!

    Glad I got that straightened out so you can rest your mind.
     
    Charlie, Jan 25, 2014
    #2157
  8. Broadside

    Broadside DI Forum Patron

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    A pirate goes in to a pub and the barman sees that he's got a peg-leg, a hook for a hand and a patch over one eye.
    "Looks like you've had an exciting life" said the barman, "how did you get the wooden leg?".
    "We was in a real rough sea in the Spanish main" said the pirate. "I got washed overboard and as my shipmates were pulling me back on board, a shark bit off me leg".
    "Wow" said the barman, "how about the hook for a hand ?"
    "We attacked a Spanish Galleon for the gold, and when we boarded it, one of them chopped my hand off with his cutlass".
    "Phew" said the barman, "exciting stuff. How did you lose your eye?"
    "A seagull sh*t in it" said the pirate.
    "incredible" said the barman, "you lost your eye to some seagull sh*t ?"
    "Not exactly" said the pirate, "it was the day after they had fitted my hook".
     
    Broadside, Jan 26, 2014
    #2158
  9. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent.'
    'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.
     
    Charlie, Jan 27, 2014
    #2159
  10. Broadside

    Broadside DI Forum Patron

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    An elderly couple are taking a stroll through the countryside, when they notice the fence where they first had sex half a century before.
    Nostalgia takes over, they strip off and have the most energetic session ever, with arms and legs everywhere.
    When it was over, the wife said "wow, 50 years ago we never had sex like that".
    The old boy, still recovering and shaking, said "50 years ago that goddam fence wasn't electrified".
     
    Broadside, Jan 28, 2014
    #2160
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