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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

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  1. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    [TABLE="class: yiv7087540367MsoNormalTable, width: 100%"]
    [TR]
    [TD="width: 100%"]Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat,
    and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in
    this country actually eat dogs."



    "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall
    live in America , we might as well do as the
    Americans do."



    As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yelling,
    "Hot Dogs, get your dogs here," and they both
    walk towards the hot dog cart.



    "Two dogs, please!," says one. The vendor is very
    pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and
    hands them over. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench
    and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'



    The mother superior is first to open hers.
    She begins to blush, and then, after staring
    at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and in
    a soft brogue whispers:



    "What part did you get?"
    [/TD]
    [/TR]
    [/TABLE]
     
    Charlie, Mar 4, 2014
    #2201
  2. PatO

    PatO DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Marines

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    IN the earlier days in America when people migrated west in covered wagons, a set of rules and standards were accepted. One key one was that if anyone complained about the cooking that person would have to take over the cooking for a week, which everyone hated when their rotation turn came. All were excited when they reached the Colorado area and saw all the buffaloes roaming and couldn’t wait to have a great meal. At dinner, one half-drunk guy with high expectations complained the steak was too d*mn tough to chew, and as a result had to take over the cooking the next day. The guy absolutely hated to cook and was pissed at the prior cook for screwing up his steak and decided to get the guy back right away. So what he did for that particular guy only was grill him a big cow pie (buffalo poo) steak. Sure enough, the former cook took a big bite, grimaced, spit most of it out and said, “this steak tastes like sh*t””, then quickly gathering his composure said, “good though”...
     
    PatO, Mar 4, 2014
    #2202
  3. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    I wonder why medical costs are so high ????

    Better gets these extra tests just to be sure. LOL
     

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    Charlie, Mar 5, 2014
    #2203
  4. Broadside

    Broadside DI Forum Patron

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    A recent study has concluded that the type of man that a woman is attracted to will depend on where she is in the menstrual cycle.

    If she is ovulating, she is drawn to a man with well defined masculine features.

    If she is menstruating or menopausal, she is attracted to a man on fire, with duct tape over his mouth, and a flaming spear firmly embedded in his chest.

    No further studies are expected.
     
    Broadside, Mar 7, 2014
    #2204
  5. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    Bees & golf :
    One day a young woman had just started playing her round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.







    Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.








    Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, 'Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?'







    'I was stung by a bee', she said.







    'Where?', he asked.







    'Between the first and second hole', she replied.







    He nodded knowingly and said,







    'Then your feet were too far apart.'
     
    Charlie, Mar 7, 2014
    #2205
  6. Buck Dangler

    Buck Dangler DI Junior Member

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    Everything’s Bigger in Texas


    There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.”

    When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit the hotel bar. Upon arriving to the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, “Wow, these mugs are big!” The bartender replied, “Everything is big in Texas.”

    A little later, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was. The bartender replied, “Second door to the right.” The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped and entered the third door. This door led to the swimming pool and he fell in by accident.

    Scared to death, he started shouting, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”
     
    Buck Dangler, Mar 8, 2014
    #2206
  7. Dave & Imp

    Dave & Imp DI Forum Patron Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer

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    Just wondering

    Just wondering about the focus of the scientific world. Are we working on the right problems?
    View attachment 10163
     

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    Dave & Imp, Mar 9, 2014
    #2207
  8. Dave & Imp

    Dave & Imp DI Forum Patron Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer

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    And what is your ancestry?

    Ever wonder about your ancestry? This fellow knows his.

    View attachment 10164
     

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    Dave & Imp, Mar 9, 2014
    #2208
  9. Broadside

    Broadside DI Forum Patron

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    Broadside, Mar 10, 2014
    #2209
  10. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    Learning to cuss.........
    A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard. The 6 year old asks,
    "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss".
    The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues,
    "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you
    say something with @ss". The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm....
    When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he
    wants for breakfast, he replies,
    "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios".
    WHACK!
    He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,
    and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,
    slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and
    shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
    She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a
    stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
    "I don't know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your @ss it won't be
    Cheerios
     
    Charlie, Mar 11, 2014
    #2210
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