Where's the humor on here?

This is the best example for paying attention that I have ever heard. It pays to be observant.

First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first
anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery
table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine
it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor.
The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the
animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet,
stuck his finger in the rear of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his
finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his
students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but
eventually took turns sticking a finger in the rear of the dead cow and
sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said,
"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's
tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."
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The Deaf Wife Problem


Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.


'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'


That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'


No response.


So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'


Still no response.


Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.


So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'


(I just love this)
??


'For %*-#?? sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'

 

Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.




Later that night........
Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a Gunshot wound to her knee.

 

A romantic dinner......................

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.

They were gazing lovingly at each other and were holding hands.
The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair and under the table - but the man stared straight ahead.

The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risque and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man "Pardon me, sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table."

The man calmly looked up at her and said, "No, she didn't.
She just walked in."







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A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill.
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The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.
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It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live.
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There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.'
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So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.
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Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.
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They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35.
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Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320.
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Then he gets the full house and wins £1000.
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Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too, getting £380,000.
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The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says,
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'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the fullhouse and the national game on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!'
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'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24 ...'
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'F*** me,' says the bingo caller. 'You've won the raffle as well !!
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