Where's the humor on here?

The short list to making a woman happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
It doesn't take much !!
A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynaecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love to go shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be relatively rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other women

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes or who she is with
BUT IT IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT TO:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
* her parents

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HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY



1. Leave him alone
2. Show up naked
3. Bring beer

 

An electrician only ranks #8???

 

The Humour here, is definatley getting better.

View attachment 11159

 

View attachment 11179

In case you did not know

 

Now how many of us does this caption relate to , Ill stick my hand up

View attachment 11225

 

AYE, Scottish Man

I was standing in a bar in Glasgow yesterday and this little Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.
I said to him, "Dae ye know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says "No, why the fxxx did you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"

"Naw", I say, "It's cause yer drinking ma beer, ya wee prick."

 

A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach at Ft. Myers. She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "How are you today?" "Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book. "I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked. "First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book. "I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" She asked. "Yes, I live over in Cape Coral ", he answered, and again he resumed reading. Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like p*ssy cats?" With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life. When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?" The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

 

Computer Screen Dusting ( Internal )

Thought you might find this one interesting!

Did you know that you should remove dust from inside your computer screen?

Every 30 days it is necessary to clean the screen from the inside.

Many people ignore this fact and do not know how to do it.

Manufacturers take advantage of this ignorance to increase their sales of
new screens.

To clean your screen from the inside, just click on the link and move the
mouse side to side.

No need to thank me, I'm just happy to help.



*Free Computer Screen Cleaner* < http://sboisse.free.fr/fun/ecran.swf>

 

HIGH HO SILVER, AWAY!



The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a sarsaparilla.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who Owns the Big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do....Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver started to show initial signs of recovery.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "There is absolutely no wind blowing today, Tonto. I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and began to wave his arms and run in circles around Silver.

Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struted into the bar and asked, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up again, and exclaimed, "I do, what's wrong with him?"

The cowboy looked him in the eye and said,

ê

ê

ê

ê
"Nothing, but it looks like you left your injun runnin!"

 

> Old Fighter Pilot
>
>
>
> A ragged old derelict shuffled into a down-and-dirty bar. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.
>
> "I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was an F-4 Pilot, flying off carriers back in ' Nam , but when they retired the Phantom, all the thrill was gone, and soon they cashed me in as well. I learned to play the piano at Officer's Club happy hours, so here I am."
>
> The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, why not give him a try.
>
> The seedy old pilot staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced.
>
> What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.
>
> The bartender took the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.
>
> It's called, "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You,” he said. After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said, "I wrote it myself."
>
> The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light."
>
> He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, "Spread 'em Baby, It's Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline", excused himself and headed for the john.
>
> When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Hey, fly boy, the job is yours; but, do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?"
>
> "Know it”, the old fighter pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"
>
>
>