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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

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  1. mokum

    mokum DI Senior Member

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  2. baltoed

    baltoed DI Forum Adept

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    Rather that sitting around waiting and waiting for that *most correct time* to post this image..

    Im gonna just post it in here as humor.. I ..for one..am amused..lol

    View attachment 11383
     

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  3. mokum

    mokum DI Senior Member

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  4. baltoed

    baltoed DI Forum Adept

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    Blonde and her Jaguar

    Carolyn, a very rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sports car
    She drives the car perfectly well during the day,
    but at night, the car just won't go at all.
    After trying to drive the car at night for a
    week (but without any luck), she furiously
    calls the Jaguar dealer, and they send out a
    technician to her.
    The technician examines the car and finds
    nothing wrong with it.
    So he turns to the blonde and asks:
    "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the
    right gears?"
    Full of anger, the blonde replies:
    "You nut, you idiot, how on earth you could ask
    such a question? I'm not stupid you know!
    Of course I am using the right gears;
    I use "D" during the day
    and "N" at night."
     
  5. baltoed

    baltoed DI Forum Adept

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    Below is man jokes..beware ladies..


    1 -How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
    Marry it!

    2 -What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
    A battery has a positive side.

    3 - Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
    Because you could easily fit another pair of t*ts in there.

    4 - How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
    Put a nipple on it.

    5 - Why do women fake orgasms ?
    Because they think men care.

    6 - If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
    Made her chain too long.

    7 - Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

    8 - Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

    9 - Why do men pass gas more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

    10 - If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    11 - Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
    It's called a Wedding Cake.

    12 - Why do men die before their wives?
    Because they want to.

    Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and, to the select few women who don't own a gun!
     
  6. Jack Peterson

    Jack Peterson DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Air Force

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    Ah I see! You have met my Wife then??:confused::p :cool::dnr:
     
  7. baltoed

    baltoed DI Forum Adept

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    An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor says, I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'.

    The old guy obeys and says, 99.
    The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, 99
    Again, the old guy says, 99

    The doctor said, “Very good”. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, 99.

    The old guy begins, "One.... two… three…"
     
  8. baltoed

    baltoed DI Forum Adept

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  9. Jack Peterson

    Jack Peterson DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Air Force

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    :rolleyes::eek: I am, that Man:p View attachment 11418 but don't tell her, indoors!!:wink:
     

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  10. Jack Peterson

    Jack Peterson DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Air Force

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    :eek: Yeah but apparently, they don't allow pets.
     
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