Where's the humor on here?

Just a Quicky before I go to Bed good night all.

JP

 

May Murphy's laws be with you all this Year, Hopefully not in a failing sense of course but in the Fun times that make us smile.

http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-true.html


JP

 

In tribute to the Pope's visit and the anticipated visit of Kim K:

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."

 

Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up!

"Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night.. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey......On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am!

 

:p So the Secrets out, I really do Like Golf :D

Can someone Nip round to Mine and Untie Azon, the Dogs will need Feeding.

JACK

 

A guy cooked up some deer for dinner his son asked what kind of meaT it was, dad said ill give you a clue its what mummy calls me some time, the boy yelled out STOP EATING ITS A DICK HEAD

 

I got a book on EBAY 1000 ways to have sex, im up to number 175 but ill need a woman if i am to continue

 

4 old guys sitting in a resto , bragging about there sons wealth,
fistr said; my son is so rich , he bought a speedboat for his friend.
second said,
my son is so rich , he bought a house for his fiend.
thirth one said , mine sooo rich ,he bought a sportscar for his friend
last guy said , my sons a gay hooker.......
and so far he got , a boat ,house and sportscar

 

A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report
that his wife was missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door. At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.