Where's the humor on here?

Radio competition

 

Bored Call

Yes... uh huh... uhm hmmmm :D

 

A man who just died is delivered to a Kentucky mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. Bubba the mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives Bubba a blank check and says, “I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.”

The woman returns the next day for the viewing. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to Bubba, “Whatever the cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?”

To her astonishment, Bubba presents her with the blank check. “Dere’s no charge,” he says. “No, really, I must pay you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!” she says.

“Honestly, ma’am,” Bubba says, “it didn’t cost me a ting. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his missus if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.”

“So, I just switched the heads”.

 

Eeeeeewwwww!!

 

9.5 out of 10 ... hehehe

Rhoody

 

yep very good Melvin, you got good marky out of 10

 

seconded! but with plus .5:D

 

Advanced medicine

A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that We can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of One person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks."

A British doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced that We can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, send her to Washington where she will become President, and then half the country will be out looking for work."

 

joke time

Little Johnny was in class when the teacher asked, "Three birds are sitting on a telephone wire, a hunter shoots one. How many are left?" "None," he says "if ones shot the others would fly away." "Actually", said the teacher "the answer was two, but I like the way you think."

The next day Johnny walks over to his teacher in the cafeteria and asks, "Do you see those three women over there on the bench? Which one isn't married, the one eating the cookie, the one eating a sandwich, or the one sucking on a popsicle?" "Hmm, the one sucking on a popsicle?", the teacher asks" "Actually" said Timmy " it was the one without a wedding ring, but I like the way you think"

 

Pal

Passengers on a Philippine Airlines flight heard this
announcement from the captain, Capt. Juan Amorpropio:

"Mga kababayan, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power
to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation
but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement:

"Mga kababayan, we at Philippine Airlines have prepared for such
an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating
so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane
and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"

As commented by one of the passengers:

"Galing, that's what i like about PAL, always has some contingency
measures of some sort!, I hope they help me out
coz' i definitely don't know how to swim."

After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating
to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain
made a belly landing in the ocean.

The captain once again made an announcement:

"Mga kababayan we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers
on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly
swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left
side of plane

THANK YOU FOR FLYING PHILIPPINE AIRLINES."