Wife: Honey, if I die would you get married again?
Husband: No dear.
Wife: I'm sure you would.
Annoyed husband: Okay, I would.
Wife: Would you let her sleep in our bed?
Husband: Yeah, I guess so.
Wife: Would you let her wear my clothes.
Husband: No, she is taller than you.

And the right answer is: "I don't know what you are talking about."

 

My Granny always said that Pompous people, always looked like their dogs. Or was that they always bought a Dog to match them

Whatever great Post Crystalhead

JP

 

Controversial humor?

A Plane was about to crash in Tacloban; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger said, "I am President Aquino, the chosen one. The Philippines needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and left the plane.

The second passenger, Mar Roxas, said, "I am the next president of the Philippines, so Filipinos don't want me to die." He took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, Dinky Soliman, said, "I'm the Secretary of DSWD, a lot of people depend on me." So she grabbed the parachute next to her and jumped.

The fourth passenger, Mayor Duterte, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old Boy, "I have lived a full life, and served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The Boy said, "That's okay, Mayor. There's a parachute left for you. President Aquino grabbed my SCHOOL BAG."

 

Odd, how little things please little minds.

JP

 

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach , "because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum , "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?

The @ss hole is usually in charge!

Just remember the next time you are asked who is in charge here. Obviously the politicians in the in Philippines know this joke, as none of them every accept responsibility for anything if the question comes up "who was in charge here?" I think they are part of the joke sometimes.

 

The latest toy has hit the shops... a talking Muslim doll.

Nobody knows what the hell it says, because no one has the balls to pull the cord.