Where's the humor on here?

A guy was telling a story at the local one night . he told about how he and Fred went rabbit traping on the weekend they set there traps, cooked a meal and opened a bottle of rum. During the night fred took short grabed some paper and went off behind a tree but he shat on top of one of the rabbit traps it sprang into action bounced up and grabed freds balls. A guy at the bar said bloody hell that must of hurt when the trap grabed his balls , yes it did but not half as much as it did when poor old fred came to the end of the chain.

 

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.

Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.
'Oh, sister,' said the young nun dreamily, 'I've been saved.'

'Saved? And how did that come about?' asked the old nun.

'Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.'

'Did he now?' said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, 'and Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fitted my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.'

'Is that a fact?' said the old nun even more evenly.

'At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.'

'That wicked old b@st@rd, said the old nun.
'He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!

 

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but finally found nothing wrong with the man. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife"

https://scontent-sea.xx.fbcdn.net/h...=c9fe32cc82ebe65e8bc844a1e2222cd0&oe=55AFB40F

 

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit
jump out across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the
rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal
lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit, the Easter bunny is DEAD .

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the side of the road
and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man
what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains,
"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car
and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says, “Don’t worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny,
bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the
two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves
again, he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
turns and waves, and repeats this again and again
and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,

"What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"

The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says..
"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."

 

The young Filipino who had recently become a father told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but finally found nothing wrong with the man. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy, in fact your are so lazy that you did not even run away from you GF when she was 3 months pregnant." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife, before I leave."

 

VERN'S FUNERAL

Vern works hard but spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Vern! How ya doing?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowling league."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's also a waitress at the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the round, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all over him and says... "Hi, Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Vern's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez, Vern, you picked up a real witch this time!'

VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY

 

Could be anyone's Kid though!








These two have come about because although Our princess has done well this Term, there was a remark made about FB on the Report card!

JP

 

Don't Knock it just Yet, It will rain Eventually.



JP

 

EH! OH yes my Post OK. so as I am in one of those really Good moods for a while. One for those Slightly deaf.



or did I mean a partial sight problem as well.

JP