Where's the humor on here?

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new 2015 BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Apple i phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Apple ipad® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Galaxy S5® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on hishi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know sh*t about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.”

“Now give me back my dog.”

 

Enough said.

 

We get concerned about Wrye being in a war zone... but here is the real danger:
Erik Estrada y sus mal portados | Facebook

Sometimes we just laugh
[DOUBLEPOST=1429729521,1429729441][/DOUBLEPOST]Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess's lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." That night, the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and shallot cream sauce.

 

What’s the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Philippines?
In the US - they go to jail. In the Philippines - they go to the US!

 

While on my flight to Manila and a beautiful Filipina ended up seated NEXT to me on the flight.

We started eyeing each other, and BOTH realize we wanted to do the same thing, our bodies were wanting/needing something now, I could feel it in my blood, and hers too..

So I slipped a condom out of my pocket, and as a delightfully sinful smile came across her face.

Rear toilet? I suggested.

Five minutes, she agrees and goes off.

I waited five minutes holding back my physical desires, then I go and slip in there with her. "RIGHT, get that condom on", she pants out in a deep breath.

Soon, we are both sighing with pleasure, taking deep breaths as we approach a heavenly high. .

But a sharp eyed stewardess has noticed us, and realized what we are up to,

So, she humiliates us by making an announcement over the PA system.

"To the lady and gentleman in the rear toilet, we know what you are doing, and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations.

Now, please put THOSE cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector.

Well we exit the CR, with an embarrassed look over faces.. but I had mixed feeling...I should have gone for a BJ if I was going to get in this much trouble. I mean why just let her blow smoke...

 

An elderly lady won a new radio at the luncheon for seniors as a door raffle prize and wrote a letter to the organisers to say thank you.

This heart warming story is a credit to all humankind.

The letter reads:

Dear Sirs and Madams
God bless you for the beautiful wireless I won at your recent Senior Citizens Luncheon.

I am 87 yo and live in a Nursing Home and all my family has passed away and I am alone in the world.

My room mate is 95yo and has always had her own wireless, but, she would never let me listen to it.

She said it belonged to he long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.

The other day her wireless fell off the nightstand and broke into pieces, thus rendering it useless.

It was so awful to see her break down in tears and sob all night and all day long. I was very moved.

She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed to be able to tell her to:

.........................f*ck OFF........................

Yourse sincerely,
Edna.

 

Tranny radio.