Where's the humor on here?

Filipino Hell
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.

He goes to the German hell & asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".

The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.

Then he comes to the Philippines hell and finds that there is a long queue of people waiting to get in...Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Filipino devil comes in & whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells, why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asks the man.

A concerned fellow calls him aside and said, "Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair doesn't work.
The nails were paid for but were never supplied by the contractor, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on.
And the Filipino devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for other business!!"

 

True. And after 9months I'm STILL waiting for my son's first child passport - What a JOKE!

 

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British.
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British.
The French and Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British.

Conclusion:
Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you!

 

Maybe I'll ask the Editor of the Negros Chronicle to expedite matters for me??

 

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"

The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

 

Five expats are in Dumaguete City. They see a sign that says "Expats Bar" so they go in and order their drinks. The bartender serves them and says, "That will be 10 Peso".
They can't believe their good luck. They finish their drinks and order another round and the bartender again says, "That will be 10 Peso".
This wets their curiosity, so they ask the bartender, "How can you afford to serve beer so cheap?"
The bartender replies, "I guess you've seen the decor here. Well, I am a retired expat and I always wanted to own a bar in Dumaguete. Last year I won the lottery for $15 million and decided to open this place for real expats. Every drink costs 10 Peso - wine, spirits, beer all the same."
They notice four other expat guys at the end of the bar who haven't ordered anything. They ask, "What's with them?"
The bartender says "Oh, they come from Dauin; they're waiting for happy hour!"

 

An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men.

She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status." Outraged the journalist went home.

A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide and this time asked, "What has changed?" The guide answered, "Land mines."

 

POLITICS

(1) 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many'.
(2) 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Sums it up rather succinctly!

 

So my wife keeps telling me ( well everyone really.)

JP