Where's the humor on here?

I can really relate to this one. It's just too true...

 

If he brings back Red Horse I don't know how to discipline him, any suggestions.

 

The train now arriving on Platf...........kin ell 13, is the 10.30 Euro star from Calais.




Say no more EH!

Jack

 

I was in the bar when I started chatting to a midget.
"You seem like a nice and trustworthy person, fancy coming back to mine?" I asked.
"Looking for a good time, are you?" she said, smiling.
"No," I replied. "I've lost my key and you're the only person that can fit through my cat flap."

 

............They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then, I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. "Are you kidding me?" he barked, "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
He retorted, "I will; just as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your d*mn car!"
Welcome to the golden years...

 

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

 

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!

 

"WOW" I thought I had had a nightmare again and you had all Died, I fired up the PC a short while ago and Only 1 (One) post from good ole Jimeeve.
Please someone post something so I know I was only Dreaming

JP

 

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

 

Road Works? http://www.google.com/public/style_emoticons/default/hystery.gif

JP