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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

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  1. India-One

    India-One DI Forum Adept

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    An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
     
    India-One, Nov 9, 2007
    #281
  2. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    Nice top!! :D
     

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    progmeister, Nov 10, 2007
    #282
  3. India-One

    India-One DI Forum Adept

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    Just For Kicks

    VIRGIN MALE on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what to do.
    > > MOM: Put your biggest thing on her hairiest thing.
    > > SON: OK. I got my nose in her armpit. Now what?
    _______

    OLD MAN: Can you give me an erection?
    FAITH HEALER: I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can
    even cure cancer, but I'm sorry I cannot raise the dead.

    ________

    2 employees were caught naked and having sex in the office by the
    guard.

    GUARD: Aha! Violating company rules!
    MAN: What rule?
    GUARD: Not wearing uniforms.

    ________

    PACQUIAO: Hello, I would like to inquire how long is the flight to San
    Francisco ?
    OPERATOR: Just a minute, Sir..
    PACQUIAO: Really? Thank you..
     
    India-One, Nov 11, 2007
    #283
  4. dumaguetenia

    dumaguetenia DI Forum Adept

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    hehehe...poor child his too young to know.Nice prog.
     
    dumaguetenia, Nov 11, 2007
    #284
  5. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    Dumaguetenia, I think he knows hence the look of utter amazement :D
     

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    progmeister, Nov 12, 2007
    #285
  6. India-One

    India-One DI Forum Adept

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    sugdan na nato ug tagay prog,heheheheh
     
    India-One, Nov 12, 2007
    #286
  7. India-One

    India-One DI Forum Adept

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    your next

    A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.

    The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."

    "Shut up," she says. "You’re next."
     
    India-One, Nov 12, 2007
    #287
  8. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    Nigamut na man gani :D

    Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers:
    From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
    Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
    Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

    *************************************************************************************
    O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
    United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."

    *************************************************************************************
    A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
    Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
     
    progmeister, Nov 12, 2007
    #288
  9. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    Sign of the Times :D
     

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    progmeister, Nov 12, 2007
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  10. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    Sign of the Times II :D
     

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    progmeister, Nov 12, 2007
    #290
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