Where's the humor on here?

My new truck was built by a company we didn't bail out...
I bought a new Ford F-250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck.

Go figure, it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.
I returned it to the dealer yesterday.... Because I couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained
that the radio was voice activated. He pushed a button
on the steering wheel... 'Nelson,' the technician said to the radio.

The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'

'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' Came from the speakers.

Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson .

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beach Boys,' I'd
get one of their awesome songs.

This afternoon, some guy ran a red light And nearly creamed
my new truck, But I swerved in time to avoid him.

I yelled, '@ss Hole!' Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen... The President of the United States. I love this truck

 

You always post such funny ones - and I can pass most of yours along to my to old battle buddy. She gets a kick out of them!

ps....

It's a good thing the guy didn't holler out, "Mother F*****!", or he would have had the House AND the Senate in three-part harmony.

Thanks!

nwlivewire

 

Back on January 9th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .
why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . .
and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed

 

Like

 

· A lady went into a bar in Austin and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest feet she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady! Why don't you come on out to the bunk house and let me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thank ya Ma'am. I'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." "The woman replied, "Don't be flattered ...take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.

 

A woman asked the pharmacist, "Do you sell Viagra?"
"Yes we do," he answered.
She asked, "Does it work?" "Yes it does," he answered.
She said, "Can you get it over the counter?"
"I can, if I take two," he replied.

 

Mums EH?

 

"Make sure you're safe! use this!" and then SHE puts a hole in it with a push pin????