Where's the humor on here?

The England team visited an orphanage in Sao Paolo today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said Luiz, 6 yrs old.

 

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from medicare

 

YIKES!

 

Do you drink beer?

ROBERT WEATHERALL·FRIDAY, JANUARY 29, 2016
*Woman: Do you drink beer?

*Man: Yes

*Woman: How many beers a day?

*Man: Usually about 3

*Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

*Man: $5.00 which includes a tip. (This is where it gets scary !)

*Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

*Man: About 20 years, I suppose

*Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts you're spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?

*Man: Correct

*Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5,400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

*Man: Correct

*Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

*Man: Do you drink beer?

*Woman: No

*Man: Where's your Ferrari?

 

* Woman: Well, although I have earned much less than you over my working lifetime, you're welcome to see my Mercedes-Benz AMG S65 Coupe in the parking lot...

 

“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman

 

My crazy page

 

1. 
   2 mins ·
   
   
   ·
   Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd really like to ride in that helicopter.'
   Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
   One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
   To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
   The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
   Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
   When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
   Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!