Sorry Ladies but if something is Funny we must Share it.


Yeah I know, I'm Going mutter mutter mutter

 

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, "I clocked you at 120 km. per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT THE F*** UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
only when he has been drinking

 

THE BEER CAN VASECTOMY…..

Being their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

‘A less costly alternative,’ said the doctor, is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, ‘I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me. ‘’Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

“1"

“2"

“3"

“4”

“5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Alabama, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Parts of Georgia, Missouri, West Virginia, and All of Washington DC

 

Just now ·
Just now ·

 

Have a Large Family? Plenty of Kids but only 2 Bedrooms? No problem. Solved

 

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light.
The driver is a real b@st@rd, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.
The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation,
etc in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the
narrative portion of the ticket.
He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature.
The bloke signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and
demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says,
"That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an Arse Hole!"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number
of points and is in danger of losing his licence, so he hired a big gun lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defence attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile
of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH" underlined."

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

"Aggressive and Hostile, Sir."

"Aggressive and Hostile?"

"Yes, Sir.

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for Arse Hole?"

Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.

~~~~ How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client.