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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. chrissar

    chrissar DI Senior Member

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    swany, got that from the internet and as I read it I thought it was funny so, have to share it with you guys. Good that you find it amusing too, Swany.
     
  2. PhilT

    PhilT DI Member

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    Thought I would do a home video of myself and tell you a bit about my travels ;

    YouTube - Fast Show
     
  3. OP
    OP
    grandpainak

    grandpainak DI Forum Patron Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    VlAGRA

    New health warning on the VlAGRA labile!

    "Swallow quick or you could get a stiff neck."

    Jim:D
     
  4. garbonzo

    garbonzo DI Senior Member Veteran Marines

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    Grandpainak,

    Where you at in AK? Been up there a couple times many years ago. Probably my second favourite place on the planet...after Oz...particularly liked Fairbanks area and the interior...
     
  5. chrissar

    chrissar DI Senior Member

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    I Am The Boss....

    The Manager was complaining in on our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning, he went to a local sign shop and bought a sticker signage that read;
    " I AM THE BOSS !!!"
    He then stick it to his office door.
    Later that day when he returned from his lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said;
    " YOUR WIFE CALLED AND SHE WANTS HER SIGN BACK !!!!!"
     
  6. jimeve

    jimeve DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem, as he
    >>was unable to get his manhood erect.
    >>
    >>The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base
    >>of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was
    >>nothing he could actually do
    >>for him.
    >>
    >>However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is
    >>willing to
    >>take the risk.
    >>
    >>The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephant's
    >>trunk into his penis
    >>
    >>The man thought about it for a while.
    >>
    >>The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him
    >>to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the
    >>elephant, the man decided to go for it.
    >>
    >>A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and
    >>try out his newly renovated equipment.
    >>
    >>As a result
    >>he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of
    >>the nicest restaurants in town.
    >>
    >>In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that
    >>continued to the point of being extremely painful.
    >>
    >>To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his penis sprang out, slid
    >>across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to
    >>his trousers.
    >>
    >>His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her
    >>face said, "That was incredible! can you do that again?"
    >>
    >>With tears in his eyes he replied, "I Think I can, but I am not sure if
    >>another bread roll will fit up my arse"
    >> Jim :D
     
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  7. pickled_newt

    pickled_newt DI Forum Patron

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    EXCELLENT ,LOLS:D
     
  8. jimeve

    jimeve DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

    The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

    The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

    Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
    The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her -- the ballerina?"



    The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
    Jim :D
     
  9. Decon_phils

    Decon_phils DI Member

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    Man sees the doctor and complains: Doc> I'm married now for 8 years, we have a great sex-live, but i can't get my wife pregnant, even how much we tried. Doctor request the man to laydown and says> : Show me yr manhood.
    Man sticks out his tongue>> Dokter: Your manhood pls ! >> Again the man sticks out his tongue>> Doctor get's annoyed and says: Your PENIS pls>> Man replied: OH OH Doc, Will THAT ONE work ALSO ???
     
  10. West Coast Hokies

    West Coast Hokies DI Forum Adept

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    Quick Thinking

    A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible.
    He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind
    blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

    'This is great,' he thought as he roared down I-75.
    He pushed the pedal to the metal even more.
    Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper
    behind him,
    blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

    'I can get away from him with no problem,' thought the man
    and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph.
    Then 110, 120 mph.

    Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of
    thing.'

    He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch
    up with him.

    The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man.
    'Sir,' he said, looking at his watch. 'My shift ends in 30 minutes and
    today is Friday.
    If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I have never heard
    before,
    I'll let you go.'

    The man looked at the trooper and said,
    'Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida state trooper,
    and I thought you were bringing her back.'

    The trooper replied, 'Sir, have a nice day.:D
     
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