Where's the humor on here?

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
-Anonymous-

 

I went to work on Monday morning with a terrible shiner on my right eye. At the coffee machine my mate smiled and asked, "How did you get that?" I said, "You wouldn't believe it but it happened at church yesterday". "As you know I'm catholic and we kneel for some of our prayers. Whilst I was kneeling I noticed the lady in front of me had her skirt bunched tightly in her bum crack. I know what a horrible feeling it is so, imbued with the sermon from Father Patrick, I decided to do the Christian thing and gently started to tug at the skirt to relieve her of the pressure. You wouldn’t believe it but she turned around and thumped me.

The following Monday I went to work, again with a shiner but this time it was my left eye. My mate didn’t wait for morning coffee; he came up to my desk and said “I bet you’ve got a good reason for that one” I said, “Absolutely incredible but as it should happen, I sat behind the same woman from last week and knowing how much she likes her dress shoved up her bum crack I started to push it into her bum crack when…”

 

A Robber walks into a bank and shouts " Freeze give me all your cash" A Brave customer pulls off the robbers mask and says.
"I've seen your face now" so the robber shot him....
"Anyone else seen my face?" He asked....
Silence for a moment...then someone pipes up....
"I think my wife over there got a glimpse"

 

This is what all of us 70+, other seniors, and kids (south of 60) have to look forward to!! This is something that happened at an assisted living center.

The people who lived there have small apartments, but they all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.

An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of boxer shorts