Where's the humor on here?

A penis has a rough life; his hair is always in a mess, his neighbour is an *sshole, his family is nuts, his best friends are all pussies and his owner often calls his a dick and gives him a hard life.

 

He: "My lovely. How could I ever leave you?"
She: "With the bus, jeepney, tricycle, train, motorbike, car, ship, airplane, bicycle and even with your feets."

 

I don't know if this was posted before but still funny.

 

A pair is dining in a restaurant. Then the waiter ask the woman discretly if she noticed that her husband was sliding under the table.
She to the waiter: "You see that wrong. My husband is there at the door!"

 

When walking in grizzly country, you should always carry a .22 pistol and take a friend with you. If a bear comes at you, you can use the .22 to shoot your friend in the leg so you can get away safely.

 

A male to his male friend: "The blonde woman there is my wife and the blackhaired is my girlfriend."
The friend responds: "Which surprise. For me it is exactly the other way!"

 

Sometime the reality writes the best jokes.

One day I called the IT-support from Compaq in the company I was working years ago. First they fixed the issue.
Then I asked them: "Since when is Compaq selling sanitary hardware?"
He responded: "Never. Why?"
I told him that yesterday in the train was saying: "And my Compaq-sh*tty at home is not working again."
Sh*tty (swiss german "Schiisi") is in Switzerland a somewhat light vulgary term for the toilet.
Compaq was a computer manufacturer who was merged with HP later.

 

I was having a beer at my favorite drinking hole the other day when a beautiful waitress came to my table, I commented on her beauty and asked if I could Google her? Sorry I can't post her response..

 

Probably she told you that you are a yahoo!