Where's the humor on here?

One day Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go see a doctor."His friend says, "Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug Store that can diagnose anything quicker and CHEAPER than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. AND it only costs $10"Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10 bucks. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW. SOAK YOUR ARM IN WARM WATER, AVOID HEAVY LABOR. IT WILL BE BETTER IN 2 WEEKS.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from the dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off... he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10 bucks. The machine again made the usual noises, flashes its lights, and printed out the following analysis: * Your tap water is too hard. Get a softener.
* Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
* Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
* Your wife is pregnant . . . twin girls They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
* AND if you don’t stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better

 

An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "You d*mn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You d*mn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a p*ssy willow." Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."

 

[Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."}
Not knowing he will end up like this:

 

Sounds about right... hehe

 

Relate some days...

Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."