Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.
Well, he's not that bad.
Hey. Check your computers for malware. The linked site is a genuine newspaper in switzerland and does not have any malware on it.
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,"How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says, "$500"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the Priest to confess his sins and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."
A Filipina motorist was about two hours from Dumaguete when she was flagged down by a man whose Truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to Dumaguete?"
"Sure," answered the Filipina, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is; I've got two Monkeys in the back of my Truck that have to be taken to the Amlan Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you 1,000 pesos for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the Filipina.
So; the two Monkeys were ushered into the back seat of the Filipina's car, carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was back on the road and driving through the heart of Dumaguete when suddenly he was horrified! There was the Filipina, walking down the street, holding hands with the two Monkeys, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the Filipina.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you 1,000 pesos to take these Monkeys to the zoo!"
"Yes, I know you did," said the Filipina. "But we had money left over, so now we're going to Jolibee."
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it okay if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2018 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: “How much?
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.
“WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!
MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
In Germany the police took a car aside and asked the elderly driver, why he drives only with 60 km/h on the expressway.
The driver responded: "Oh really? I thought the 60 in the expressway name A60 is the speed limit."
Then the policemen looked at the behind seats and saw two very shocked seniors.
The policeman asked: "Why are these people looking so shocked?"
The driver told him: "Ah. We was coming directly from the highway B210!"
I took an online IQ test the other day and found out I am a genius. The way I figured it out is: You take the test and get to the end and the result says "To find out your actual score press here to send $19.99 via PayPal. We will send your result by email". So I figure I was a genius to save $19.99 by doing absolutely nothing. I am curious how many sent the money.
Or ''Click here to Share to Facebook and find your Score...'' I simply do not bother after the first time I saw that, but often about the people who do and exactly what information they share from their friends lists to their personal information, just to have a moment of glory, which I would guess is about as accurate as those aging face things that show what you will look like in 20 years time. Some guys I have seen doing that must be praying for that day to come with how much better they look as their future selves. lol