Where's the humor on here?

Woman: "So your single? Why is a handsome and rich man like you alone?"

Man: "You’re*"

Woman: "Say no more..."

 

I laid her on the grassy bank,
My hands were all a quiver
Undid her suspender belt,
and her leg fell in the river.

(A short poem by Paul McCartney)

 

A woman is hugely upset and sobbing because she has locked her keys inside her car.

A passing soldier stops and assures her he can help, she looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.

Magically it opens!

Amazed she asks him how he did it, "Easy" he says, "These are my khakis"

 

I just found out my only brother has got Alzheimer's.

Hope it doesn't run in the family, cos my brother's got it as well.

 

One evening, after the honeymoon, Tom was working on his Harley in the garage. His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your time out here in your garage. You probably should also consider selling your Harley, and all your welding equipment, along with your gun collection, your fishing gear, the boat, and all those stupid model airplanes, plus dump that vintage hot rod sports car, and your home brewing equipment."

Tom got a horrified look on his face. She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

He replied, "There for a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife!"

"Ex-wife!?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"

Tom replied, "I wasn't."

 

Arizona bikers were riding South on the US-93 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Hoover Dam Bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My Parents don't like me dressing like a Girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed...