Where's the humor on here?

Atomic Oxymoron

 

Fighting over money

 

Wedding cake disaster

 

gobble gobble gobble

Where's the turkey?

 

Seven dwarfs

Seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are THE seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey Leads the pack. "Dopey, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers,
"No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome." In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back,
"Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ? The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment
and then answers,"No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe." This time, all of the other dwarfs burst
into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Dopey turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world." The other dwarfs collapse into a heap,
rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting:
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"... "Dopey screwed a penguin!"...

 

My Report Card

A Father Passing By His Son's Bedroom Was Astonished To See The Bed Was Nicely Made And Everything Was Picked Up.
Then He Saw An Envelope Propped Up Prominently On The Center Of The Bed. It Was Addressed, "dad"

With The Worst Premonition, He Opened The Envelope And Read The Letter With Trembling Hands:


Dear Dad,

It Is With Great Regret And Sorrow That I'm Writing This. I Had To Elope With My New Girlfriend Because I Wanted To Avoid A Scene With Mom And You. I've Been Finding Real Passion With Barbara And She Is So Nice Even With All Her Piercings, Tattoos, And Her Tight Motorcycle Clothes. But It's Not Only The Passion, Dad - She's Pregnant And Barbara Assures Me That We Will Be Very Happy. Even Though You Don't Care For Her Since She Is So Much Older Than I
Am, She Already Owns A Trailer In The Woods And Has A Stack Of Firewood Enough For The Whole Winter.

She Wants To Have Many More Children With Me And That's Now One Of My Dreams Too. Barbara Taught Me That Marijuana Doesn't Really Hurt Anyone And We'll Be Growing It For Ourselves And Trading It With Her Friends For All The Cocaine
And Ecstasy We Need. In The Meantime, We Pray That Science Will Find A Cure For Aids So That Barbara Can Get Better; She Sure Deserves It!!

Don't Worry, Dad, I'm 15 Years Old Now And I Know How To Take Care Of Myself. Someday I'm Sure We'll Be Back To Visit So You Can Get To Know Your Grandchildren.


Your Son, John


P.s. Dad, None Of This Is True. I'm Over At Billy's House. I Just Wanted To Remind You That There Are Worse Things In Life Than My Report Card Which Is In My Desk Center Drawer. I Love You!


P.s.s. Call When It's Safe For Me To Come Home

 

The Pregnant Lady

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to
the driver and he had the man arrested.


The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Comin'
and I grinned."

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will
reduce the swelling', and I had to smile.
"Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's
Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself."


"BUT, your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign
that said,

'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it."


"CASE DISMISSED!!"

 

:D I would have done the same :D

 

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

 

Stop yelling :D