Where's the humor on here?

REMAIN SILENT
A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be held against you." The drunk replies, "Boobs."

 

SALESMAN
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money." She proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty," he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, I will personally eat the remainder." "Well," she said, "I hope you have a damned good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."
:D

 

LOBSTER TAIL AND BEER
A cowboy is driving down a back road in Texas. A sign in front of a restaurant reads, "Happy Hour Special: Lobster Tail and Beer." "Hot d*mn," the cowboy says to himself, "My three favorite things!"

 

UPTURN
A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see an "upturn." "I think you mean the intern, don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Yes," said the girl. "I want to have a contamination." "You mean examination," the nurse corrected her. "Well, I want to go to the fraternity ward, anyway." "I'm sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied, "Upturn, intern, contamination, examination, fraternity, maternity what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months and I think I'm stagnant."

 

STUPID
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" Little Johnny replied, "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

 

BABYTALK
A gang member was holding his 8-month-old baby while his wife was in the kitchen fixing lunch. The baby murmured "mother." The guy gets all excited and hollered to his wife, "Hey, the baby just said half a word!"

 

HEAVIER
Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 

SEX RESEARCH
"In my case," said the student to the sex researcher, "when I get it part way in, my vision blurs. And when it's all the way in, I can't see a thing." "Now, that's an most interesting optical reaction, that may well have anatomical as well as physiological basis," the researcher replied. "If you don't mind young man, I should like to have a look at it." So, the student volunteer shrugged and stuck out his tongue.

 

NOISY MATING
A veterinarian had a busy day at the clinic, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals, his wife was waiting with a tall, cool drink and a romantic, candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. An hour later, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" asked an elderly woman's voice. "Yes, it is," replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?" "Well, sort of," said the woman. "There's a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do about it?" The vet took a deep breath, then patiently replied, "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone." "Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that stop them?" "It should," said the vet. "It stopped me!"

 

A FAVOR
A young woman on a flight from Mexico asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course, what may I do for you?" the priest replied. "Well, I bought an expensive hair dryer for my mother's birthday. It's unopened and over my customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through for me? Under your robes, perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie," said the devout man. "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they reached the customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed for a woman's use, but which is, to date, unused." The official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next."