Where's the humor on here?

A 3rd grader whispered to his seatmate: I found a used condom in our patio.
Seatmate: What's a patio?

 

Mary Poppins' new hobby

 

Stuck puppy

 

Looks like a hush puppy to me;

 

WHAT IS POLITICS:

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family , so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.


The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy! Goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.

 

Cut Airline Cost....Save the airlines....

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers!

What the hell - the attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking.

They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?


The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party

atmosphere" going in the cabin.


And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying

again, hoping to see naked women.


Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary,

thus saving even more money. Hell, I suspect tips would be so good that

we could charge the women for working and have them kick back 20% of

the tips.


Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked

women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline

industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win

situation if we handle it right - a golden opportunity to turn a

liability into an asset.


Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do

everything myself?


Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

 

Subject: Best Friend Experiment

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for
an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see
you!

 

I tried this experiment on my cat and husband and guess who was happy to see me ... of course my cat! My husband was unhappy and you know why? My cat pissed all over him. He smelled like a skunk!

 

I bet he smelt more like a p*ssy. lol :D

 

picture of my daddy

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy." He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.

One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed,


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"So that's the ugly witch he's runnin' around with."