Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.
this one's for Rhoods.
good one... hehe... that earned another reputation point... hehe
Hair cut of the year.
thanks jim for cheering up another wet and dreary day ....regards john
The Drunk and The Blonde
A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size 44DD'S.
A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off of her breasts.
This happens a couple more times.
The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick her breasts. She decks him! He's laying on the floor moaning and groaning.
'Why do you let the bartender do it?'
'Because he has.............(your gonna love
A LICKER LICENSE!
Apologies for these before you read them
I spoke on the phone to an old boss in the UK the other day, and
asked him "How he and his wife spent there time, now that they've
He told me this short story.
He and his wife would visit Cheshire Oaks [some 10 miles away from
there home] and do a little window shopping. They need only shop for
a short while, before they'd spot a Policeman writing out a parking
ticket. Sam would ask the Policeman to give a senior citizen a break
and tear up the ticket?
The policeman would always ignore him and continue writing the
ticket. So Sam called him a Nazi turd, as a result the policeman
glared at him and started writing another ticket for the cars worn
So Sam's wife called the policeman a shithead. so the policeman
finished writing the second ticket and placed it on the windscreen
with the first and started writing a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more they abused him, the more
tickets the policeman wrote.
Sam didn't really care as he and his wife went to Cheshire Oaks by
But they always try to have a little fun each day now that they have
retired. It's important at their age.
Not sure if this allowed or not
A man goes into the chemist to buy birth control pills for his daughter
the chemist asks the man "is your daughter sexually active?"
the man replies "No, she lies there just like her mother
So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions
I was at the cashpoint last night and a dear little old woman asked me to check her balance for her.
So I pushed her over, then told her "Not too good"
What do you call a French guy wearing sandals?
... not allowed but good.... hehe