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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. jimeve

    jimeve DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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  2. jimeve

    jimeve DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    this one's for Rhoods.
     
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  3. jimeve

    jimeve DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    Dumb Blond
     

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  4. Rhoody

    Rhoody DI Forum Luminary

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    good one... hehe... that earned another reputation point... hehe
     
  5. jimeve

    jimeve DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    hehe,

    cheers mate. :smile:
     
  6. jimeve

    jimeve DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    Hair cut of the year.
     
  7. john boy

    john boy DI Forum Patron

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    thanks jim for cheering up another wet and dreary day ....regards john
     
  8. OP
    OP
    grandpainak

    grandpainak DI Forum Patron Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    The Drunk and The Blonde

    A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size 44DD'S.

    A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off of her breasts.

    This happens a couple more times.

    The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick her breasts. She decks him! He's laying on the floor moaning and groaning.

    'Why do you let the bartender do it?'

    'Because he has.............(your gonna love
    this)......











    A LICKER LICENSE!
     
  9. tipmart87

    tipmart87 DI Member

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    Apologies for these before you read them

    I spoke on the phone to an old boss in the UK the other day, and
    asked him "How he and his wife spent there time, now that they've
    both retired"

    He told me this short story.

    He and his wife would visit Cheshire Oaks [some 10 miles away from
    there home] and do a little window shopping. They need only shop for
    a short while, before they'd spot a Policeman writing out a parking
    ticket. Sam would ask the Policeman to give a senior citizen a break
    and tear up the ticket?

    The policeman would always ignore him and continue writing the
    ticket. So Sam called him a Nazi turd, as a result the policeman
    glared at him and started writing another ticket for the cars worn
    tires.

    So Sam's wife called the policeman a shithead. so the policeman
    finished writing the second ticket and placed it on the windscreen
    with the first and started writing a third ticket.
    This went on for about 20 minutes. The more they abused him, the more
    tickets the policeman wrote.

    Sam didn't really care as he and his wife went to Cheshire Oaks by
    bus.

    But they always try to have a little fun each day now that they have
    retired. It's important at their age.


    Not sure if this allowed or not

    A man goes into the chemist to buy birth control pills for his daughter

    the chemist asks the man "is your daughter sexually active?"

    the man replies "No, she lies there just like her mother



    So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

    So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

    So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

    So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"

    So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions


    I was at the cashpoint last night and a dear little old woman asked me to check her balance for her.






    So I pushed her over, then told her "Not too good"


    What do you call a French guy wearing sandals?
    Philippe Philloppe
     
  10. Rhoody

    Rhoody DI Forum Luminary

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    ... not allowed but good.... hehe
     
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