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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. tipmart87

    tipmart87 DI Member

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    I logged in

    but can't erase or edit it
     
  2. Rhoody

    Rhoody DI Forum Luminary

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    I could... but I like the joke... hehe...
     
  3. AussieMike

    AussieMike DI New Member

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    Dodge City. A naked cowboy walks into the saloon. The bartender says "Pardner, you can't come in here naked, what's going on?"

    Naked cowboy recounts his story: "I was out in the badlands when Calamity Jane dry gulches me. She's got no clothes on and pointing a gun at me. 'Take your shirt off, cowboy" so I does. 'Now take your pants off ' . so I does. 'Now take your long johns off' . so I does. 'Now go to town cowboy'

    So here I am.
     
  4. AussieMike

    AussieMike DI New Member

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    Dodge City. A little puppy strays under the swing doors into a saloon. A drunken cowboy draws his gun and shoots the poor little puppy in the foot. Yelping, the pup runs off into the dark.

    18 months later, the saloon doors burst open, and a huge dog walks into the bar, holding two Colt 45s

    The barman asks: "What are you doing here, dawg?"

    Dog replies:

    "Ah've come to get the guy that shot mah paw"
     
  5. blueangel

    blueangel DI Junior Member

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    When a sound can confound

    An announcement by a pastor one sleepy Sunday had seriously questioned his life’s calling. “The Annual Nude Women’s Camp will be held this weekend,” he said a little too brightly.

    Say what?

    The churchgoer opened her bulletin with inquiring eyes, scanning the column of upcoming events. When they stopped on some bold letters, she read “Annual Youth Winter Camp.” :D
     
  6. ciara

    ciara DI New Member

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    Do you hear what i hear?

    ….what began as an innocent visit by a friend’s parents almost ended up in a nudist camp. “My parents are coming this weekend,” she said one day. “It’s the only time they can come naked.”

    “But it’s winter,” her friend replied. :confused:

    “What does that have to do with it?” she asked, giving that peculiar look which implied that something is wrong…. Suddenly her friend’s ears understood. “Oh,” she said, “you mean that’s when they can make it.”
    :cool:
     
  7. hannah

    hannah DI Member

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    hi, ciara. nice joke. i had to read it twice and LOUD before i finally got it. :smile:

    hannah
     
  8. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    Are You Smart Enough For 3rd Grade?

    A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

    Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

    Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9".

    Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36".

    And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.

    The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."

    Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.

    Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

    Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

    Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

    The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

    Harry replied: "Pockets."

    Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants"

    Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

    Harry: Coconut

    The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.

    Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

    Harry: Bubblegum

    Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"

    The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

    Harry: Shake hands

    Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions,okay?

    Harry: Yep.

    Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

    Harry: Tent

    Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

    The Principal was looking restless and bit tense.

    Harry: Wedding Ring

    Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

    Harry: Nose

    Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

    Harry: Arrow

    Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?

    Harry: Firetruck

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."

    :D :D :D
     
  9. jellyfish

    jellyfish DI Forum Patron

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    Hey Prog, .....where have you been al the time ?
    I missed your jokes, man ! What has happened ? You have made a long trip ?
    I hope not to prison :D
    Nice to have you back again. This was a good one again.
     
  10. progmeister

    progmeister DI Forum Patron

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    Hey JF,

    Been quite busy of late with all sorts of things. Prison? Nah, they haven't caught me yet :D
    Glad you enjoyed that.
    Now, where was I.....
     
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