Where's the humor on here?

business as usual.........................

 

i know...somehow...i lost the reason to laugh. kinda dangerous isn't it but a very important danger at that

 

now this I likey. where do you find these stuff? ha ha ha Duh the net of course...dumb question. Hey you're not going to post me as one of these pictures would ya?

 

Cake Or Bed

A Husband Is At Home Watching A


Football Game When His Wife Interrupts,





Honey,


Could You Fix The Light In The Hallway?


It's Been Flickering For Weeks Now.





He Look At Her And Says Angrily,


Fix The Lights Now?


Does It Look Like I Have


Ge Written On My Forehead?


I Don't Think So.





Fine,





Then The Wife Asks,


Well Then, Could You Fix The Fridge Door?


It Won't Close Right.





To Which He Replied,


Fix The Fridge Door?


Does It Look Like I Have Westinghouse


Written On My Forehead?


I Don't Think So





Fine, She Says


Then You Could At Least Fix The Steps


To The Front Door?


They Are About To Break.





I'm Not A Damm Carpenter And I Don't


Want To Fix Steps.


He Says, Does It Look Like I Have


Ace Hardware Written On My Forehead?


I Don't Think So.


I've Had Enough Of You.


I'm Going To The Bar!!!!





So He Goes To The Bar And Drinks For A


Couple Of Hours....................................





He Starts To Feel Guilty About How


He Treated His Wife, And Decides


To Go Home.





As He Walks Into The House He Notices


That The Steps Are Already Fixed.





As He Enters The House, He Sees The


Hall Light Is Working.





As He Goes To Get A Beer, He Notices


The Fridge Door Is Fixed.





Honey, He Asks, How'd All This Get Fixed?


She Said, Well, When You Left I Sat


Outside And Cried.





Just Then A Nice Young Man Asked Me


What Was Wrong, And I Told Him.





He Offered To Do All The Repairs, And


All I Had To Do Was Either


Go To Bed With Him Or Bake A Cake.





He Said,


So What Kind Of Cake Did You Bake?





She Replied,


Hellooooo....


Do You See Betty Crocker Written


On My Forehead?


I Don't Think So!

 

Atlargex, nice story :D
I saw that in your nickname you use the word "large".
Is that the reason that you used a large space for your humor post ? :D
But it's a good one.

 

Eve Has A Chat With The Lord

'Lord, I have a problem.'

'What's the problem, Eve?'

'I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy.'

'And why is that Eve?'

'Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples.'

'Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.'

'Man? What is that Lord?'

'A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will
like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he is aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he will also need your advice to think properly.'

'Sounds great,' says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, 'but what's the catch Lord?'

'Well.you can have him on one condition.'

'And what's that Lord?'

'As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring...so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little
secret... You know, woman to woman'

 

One for the Ladies

A woman needs 4 pet animals in her life. A mink in her closet. A Jaguar in her garage. A Tiger in her bed, and a jackass to pay for everything.

 

Montana rancher

Country boys see things a little different...
.......
A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door. 'Is yer Dad home?' the rancher asked.
'No sir, he ain't,' the boy replied. 'He went into town.' 'Well,' said the rancher, 'is yer Mom here?' 'No, sir, she ain 't here neither. She went into town with Dad.' 'How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?' 'He went with Mom and Dad.'
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
'Is there anything I can do fer ya?' the boy asked politely. 'I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take message fer Dad.'
'Well,' said the rancher uncomfortably, 'I really wanted to talk to yer
Dad.
It's about your Brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.' The boy considered for a moment. 'You would have to talk to Pa about that' he finally conceded. 'If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but, I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard.'

 

So what's for lunch then? :D

 

Changer the Rooster

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

What a coincidence, he said. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating.'

This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating, said the woman.

What a coincidence,' said the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!

What a coincidence, said the man. I'm a chicken farmer. For months my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs.

That's great! said the woman, How did you manage that?

I switched roosters, he replied.

She smiled and said, 'What a coincidence